I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. Doug Benson More Quotes by Doug Benson More Quotes From Doug Benson I saw a dog in a cage. And that cage had a sign on it that said, 'I bite.' And I was like, 'That is good to know doggy, but that's not the most important thing about you. You should make a sign that says, 'I make signs.'' Doug Benson saws important dog Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself? Doug Benson smell car grandma Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today? Doug Benson marijuana tomorrow today There's a lust to get on TV. Doug Benson tvs lust LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies. Doug Benson jammies pajamas lines Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom. Doug Benson agree shows men People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I'm a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops in my eyes, I was talking on my cell phone, and I was getting hit by a car. Doug Benson phones cells eye That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having with each other, but I have to invest in it enough to figure out. I have to make a decision. Doug Benson fighting people interesting A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway. Doug Benson weed kids thinking You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes. Doug Benson wake-up circles night I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show. Doug Benson judge-judy knees judging A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends. Doug Benson complaining That dude Stephen Falk that created You're The Worst, he used to work on the show Weeds, and we sort of came across each other then because he's a fan of podcasts, and he would listen to Doug Loves Movies. And then I auditioned for a part on Weeds and didn't get it, but it was an episode that he had written, so it was his idea to bring me in.We just sort of kept in touch. And then eventually, he and other cast members of You're The Worst were guests on Doug Loves Movies. Doug Benson weed movie-love ideas Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. Doug Benson smoking long people [Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that. Doug Benson just-friends fun Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. Doug Benson cat zero two Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's more about friendship with me than making some statement about pot. I'm sure those of my friends who are onscreen smoking might have a little regret, but there's not too much of it. Doug Benson regret smoking littles I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go. Doug Benson eight games beer [Ryan Reynolds] is my favorite [ on Top Gear] - I think he's the most hilarious actor who just has not been able to catch a break in terms of being known as the most hilarious actor. Doug Benson gears actors thinking Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you. Doug Benson experience figures scary
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