I learned more at The Second City than I did at Yale for all that high tuition. Robert Klein More Quotes by Robert Klein More Quotes From Robert Klein In the fifties I had dreams about touching a naked woman and she would turn to bronze or the dream about hot dogs chasing donuts through the Lincoln Tunnel. Robert Klein tunnelsdogdream According to one account of the New York City schools during the 1950s: The teacher could not technically hit the child, but the old crones found ways of skirting the rules. The push-probe-pull method was popular, in which the teacher would not hit you, but would poke you with her gnarled, witch-like fingers and grab your face like a taffy pull until you screamed. ... The pull-and-choke was also a favorite. It was executed by pulling the compulsory necktie up like a noose, until the errant boy's face turned the school colors. Robert Klein bullyingnew-yorkteacher I'd walk into the school, smell that institutional smell of the tomato soup, peanut butter, disinfectant, and boys room. Pass the lunchroom, see the familiar lunchroom lady with the white dress and net on her hair. At the end of 50 years of distinguished service the Board of Education gives her a bronze net - with her name on it. It stems from the Board of Education rule to keep her hair out of the food. Robert Klein hairboysschool Comedy is still alive, and there are still funny people. Jews are still overrepresented in comedy and psychiatry and underrepresented in the priesthood. That immigrant Jewish humor is still with us. Robert Klein comedyalivepeople I was in the De Witt Clinton Hight School marching band. One of the worst bands ever formed. When we played the national anthem, people from every country stood - except Americans. Robert Klein countrypeopleschool Fear is the greatest salesman. Robert Klein salesman In the book of things people more often do wrong than right, investing must certainly top the list, followed closely by wallpapering and eating artichokes Robert Klein investingbookpeople The `50s were terrifying with nuclear bomb stuff but boring in a social way and then the `60s were happening, and remember, there was no AIDS. Robert Klein nuclearbombsstuff I have a work-out regime; I am not a maniac. It sounds cliche, but stand-up comedy, doing a one-man show, helps keep me young, and yes, it is exhausting, but I don't collapse. Robert Klein work-outsoundmen But I think the other is a little more like bullfighting, a little more daring and although I appreciate good acting and I liked being versatile my whole career, it kept me working. Robert Klein careersfightingthinking And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy. Robert Klein yaledramaschool My son has been a class clown and it sort of ran in the family. Robert Klein clownclassson I have no statistics to prove it, but I'm sure the American workplace will be adversely affected on Monday, the day after XXIV. The game will be the focus of conversation, and distractions happy and sad will be the order of the day, not to mention millions of hangovers. I wouldn't buy a toaster or a parachute manufactured the day after Super Bowl XXIV. You cannot engender such torrid anticipation for an event so great that it requires Roman numerals as a suffix, then expect there to be no social repercussions at its end. Robert Klein hangovermondayorder [T]he Super Bowl, the quintessential American creation. A dizzying mélange of brilliant entrepreneurship in an atmosphere of intense competition. It is the perfect show for the most intensely competitive culture in this solar system. Robert Klein atmospherecompetitionperfect What makes a good nanny? A good nanny is someone who really wants to do the job. Someone who loves children, who really values what she does and, of course, is valued by her employer. Robert Klein someonejobgoodchildren I'm not against profanity. It's an important part of the language when used properly. Robert Klein againstusedlanguageimportant But to do it professionally is a quantum leap difference and my father had to be persuaded by these kind of Ivy League professors that I should go to the Yale Drama School, another one of the stories in there. Robert Klein differencegofatherschool I was a class clown. Robert Klein class-clownclownclass Regis and I were inducted into the original Bronx Walk of Fame. Robert Klein originalwalkwerefame So it took me five years because in the interim I have been doing a lot of personal appearances and movies and some television series that went into the plumbing and I stopped writing for a while. Robert Klein moviesmewritingtelevision
