In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem. John M. Gottman More Quotes by John M. Gottman More Quotes From John M. Gottman Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right. John M. Gottman shut-up I believe we're going to find that respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them. John M. Gottman respect trust love In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance. John M. Gottman giving-up order needs Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages are more likely to end in divorce. John M. Gottman being-positive divorce couple The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt. John M. Gottman four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse worst criticism You don't have to be interesting. You have to be interested. John M. Gottman ironic interesting Thus, the critical dimension in understanding whether a marriage will work or not, becomes the extent to which the male can accept the influence of the woman he loves and become socialized in emotional communication. John M. Gottman communication emotional understanding When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed. John M. Gottman couple dying long We move in response to our conversation partner’s face, and our brain also fires as we move those muscles and stirs the passions. Paralyzing the face is idiotic. John M. Gottman passion fire moving Bid for connection: Each of our daily interactions with another person. John M. Gottman interaction connections persons I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the same again. John M. Gottman vases glue together Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships John M. Gottman marriage-equality gay principles
