In my mind, I am extraordinarily handy. But what that means is when I attempt to fix something, there's usually a five-minute period of experimentation, followed by a five-minute period of frustration, followed by a frantic phone call to a professional.

Matt Lauer

Categorized in : I Am Phone Phone Call Mind

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

marijuana funny two

It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are.

buttons two people

I get letters from women, and they say, 'I love your Roman nose.' If I weren't on TV and I walked past that same woman, she'd go, 'Did you see the beak on that guy?'

guy love-you past

Emotions in this country right now are running very high. Sometimes that emotion is translated into inspiration, sometimes into criticism. We've heard some of that tonight. But it's still part of the American way of life.

inspiration running country

When people start to write articles about what might be wrong with the 'Today' show you know where you should point the finger, point it at me because I have been there the longest. And it's my responsibility.

responsibility writing people

My dad was Jewish. My mom is not. So I was not raised anything. by Matt Lauer

My dad was Jewish. My mom is not. So I was not raised anything.

raised dad mom

The fact that you fell out of bed makes some people think you had more than one drink before you called for help.

bed people thinking

Not a lot of conservatives on this list. Are more liberals than c... by Matt Lauer

Not a lot of conservatives on this list. Are more liberals than conservatives screwing up America?

lists america

So you can look me in the eye and say that you are a president committed to cleaning up the environment?

eye president looks

Not only is it a great concept and a great idea -- helping people... by Matt Lauer

Not only is it a great concept and a great idea -- helping people -- it's good pizza too!

helping people ideas

America remembers. On this 12th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, the nation honors those who were lost.

honor remember america

The Iraqis have once again failed to meet a deadline for a final... by Matt Lauer

The Iraqis have once again failed to meet a deadline for a final draft of the constitution.

constitution deadline finals

There was no such locking mechanism. It didn't exist. by Matt Lauer

There was no such locking mechanism. It didn't exist.

top-news

Let me just say that I saw that colon a lot before the rest of yo... by Matt Lauer

Let me just say that I saw that colon a lot before the rest of you saw it.

entertainment

What’s with all the small-d--- jokes? It was fun to look over and see Ann Curry laughing… like she doesn’t know how big my d--- really is.

entertainment

Everyone knew. His wife lives in the Hamptons and he lives in the city, but we never heard he made unwanted moves. have we had a completely perfect, easy marriage? No.

entertainment

The major thing that’s changed since I’ve seen you last: I have s... by Matt Lauer

The major thing that’s changed since I’ve seen you last: I have seen you naked.

entertainment

Keep bending over like that, it’s a nice view. by Matt Lauer

Keep bending over like that, it’s a nice view.

latest-headlines

Have we had a completely perfect, easy marriage? No, but the stories you’ve read over the years are not true. The accusations (of infidelity) are ridiculous and I’m not going to (dignify) them with an answer. It’s not true.

latest-headlines

It’s what we try to do every day. by Matt Lauer

It’s what we try to do every day.

entertainment