John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald meet in hell and team up to assassinate Satan. John Hodgman More Quotes by John Hodgman More Quotes From John Hodgman Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the Earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them. John Hodgman earth busy thinking All I can ask from society is that it please stop telling me why I should like sports. John Hodgman please should sports I actually own a copy of my own book; that's how dedicated I am as an author. John Hodgman dedicated copies book For many years, people would say, "Only child? Must have been terrible," and I wanted to say, "You are mentally ill, because it was the greatest." You got all the attention. You never had to share anything. No one ever ate your food. No one ever took your toys. But the unintended consequence was that I didn't appreciate that being universally loved was not only not required for happiness, but also not possible. John Hodgman appreciate children people Here's the thing: I am not only a creature of civilization, I'm an asthmatic person. I will only live so long as I have stockpiled the proper inhalers. I'm effectively a cyborg. You know how in Jurassic Park, they bred those dinosaurs with the lysine deficiencies, so if they ever got off the island, they'd die? That's me. John Hodgman islands civilization long A stopped clock is correct twice a day, but a sundial can be used to stab someone, even at nighttime. John Hodgman sundials clock used I don't know if you've ever been shoved into the bow of a nutshell pram, a boat that is very easily almost liftable with one hand, and quite tippy, and is being piloted by a 12-year-old, but it is the true feeling of having your life in someone else's hands, and it's very precarious. John Hodgman true-feelings boat feelings My favorite season is autumn, and Maine is lovely for that reason. In Maine, autumn begins on July 29. That's when you start building a fire in the fireplace and the leaves literally start falling from the trees. It is a cold and rugged and a beautiful place that reminds you with its many death traps - its painfully cold oceans, its sharp, jagged beaches, and perilous cliffsides - that nature doesn't care whether you live or die. John Hodgman beautiful beach fall There is no ritual that enhances creativity other than just starting. John Hodgman ritual starting creativity A literary agent is nothing but a cheap salesman (or woman); while a writer is a cheap salesman (or woman) who also has to actually write the books. John Hodgman agents writing book I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I can figure out what makes a pretty good story, and I can make eggs really well. John Hodgman skills talking mean We have all been empowered by the web: everyone with a keyboard can now effectively broadcast to a national audience. In a sense, it puts each of us on the same footing as the major media conglomerates, except for AOL, who now apparently own all our thoughts and teeth. John Hodgman teeth keyboards media You know the old saying: "History is written by the winners. And also, the team of hand-picked historians that the winner keeps hidden away in an underground bunker". John Hodgman winner team hands My career as a magazine writer was largely prefaced on the idea of curiosity, to go on adventures and weasel my way into the lives of people that I admire. John Hodgman careers adventure ideas So I am a product of the Internet, and to some degree a product of this sensibility of constant cultural reference. John Hodgman constant internet degrees My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not. John Hodgman caring talking people I am not an Internet superstar. John Hodgman superstar internet I know nothing about letting go. John Hodgman knows letting-go The fact is I'm very self-similar. John Hodgman self facts Generally speaking, I, like anyone else who does anything publicly, like it when people like what I do, and would like to hear as much. John Hodgman doe people
