Many comedians and comedy writers have shared the childhood experience of learning to joke to protect themselves from neighborhood bullies when challenge or physical defense were not among the sensible options. Steve Allen More Quotes by Steve Allen More Quotes From Steve Allen One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations. Steve Allen nice imagination positive Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances. Steve Allen mafia balance government Thousands of years ago only Christ could walk on the water. Today anybody can do it; you just step on the garbage. Steve Allen today water years Without laughter life on our planet would be intolerable. So important is laughter to us that humanity highly rewards members of one of the most unusual professions on earth, those who make a living by inducing laughter in others. This is very strange if you stop to think of it: that otherwise sane and responsible citizens should devote their professional energies to causing others to make sharp, explosive barking-like exhalations. Steve Allen laughter humanity thinking Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless. Steve Allen radio mind television Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized. Steve Allen totalitarianism patriotism In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders. Steve Allen president want teacher Ideas have consequences, and totally erroneous ideas are likely to have destructive consequences. Steve Allen destructive ideas religion Religious believers of the world, you are free to continue to debate the simple, narrow question that divides you from atheists, but you have no right, in so doing, to treat the Humanists of the world with contempt. You owe them a deep debt of gratitude, for not only have they shed much light on a naturally dark world but they have very probably helped civilize your own specific religion. Steve Allen gratitude atheist religious There is scarcely a page of the Bible on which an open mind does not perceive a contradiction, an unlikely story, an obvious error, an historical impossibility of one sort or another. Steve Allen errors religious bible The problem is that once the untrained mind has made a formal commitment to a religious philosophy - and it does not matter whether that philosophy is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and irrational Steve Allen religious philosophy commitment Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar. Steve Allen dog smoking funny If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow. Steve Allen punishment united-states people I do not understand those who take little or no interest in the subject of religion. If religion embodies a truth, it is certainly the most important truth of human existence. If it is largely error, then it is one of monumentally tragic proportions—and should be vigorously opposed. Steve Allen errors important littles Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality. Steve Allen reality ...we are entitled to make almost any reasonable assumption, but should resist making conclusions until evidence requires that we do so. Steve Allen assumption should religion Everybody is somewhere. Steve Allen Laughter would appear to be a physical reflex, although even if it is, this still leaves unanswered the question of why the human response to humor is a convulsive spasm of the respiratory mechanism rather than a crossing of the eyes or a waving of the arms. Steve Allen arms laughter eye Civilization itself . . . can easily be swept aside when mob passions are aroused. Steve Allen passion evil civilization The fundamentalist believer is mostly a weird intellectual who often lacks real faith altogether. As a self-appointed attorney for God, who is in no need of attorneys, he very easily turns out to be more godless than the agnostic and the unbeliever. At all events, he seems deaf to poetry. Steve Allen intellectual real self
