My credentials, briefly: I no longer go to church or believe in God, but I can still name every one of the fruits of the Spirit and reeled for days upon hearing the announcement that Audio Adrenaline was reunited with one of the singers from DC Talk.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

Categorized in : Name Believe God Church

Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

everyone being being-ignored approval

I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will... I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

alone women freedom sea

Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It's true. Moose are very in tune with their natural surroundings.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

true know you earth

I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

something thoughtful power faith

With a few exceptions, birds are not to be trusted; it is not normal to have such soft, vulnerable bodies bookended with slashing beaks and razor-sharp claws. It is as unnatural as an armed marshmallow.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

soft few birds normal

I graduated with an English degree and worked for awhile in academic publishing.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

degree english publishing academic

There's no specific mission statement for the 'Toast.'

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

toast specific statement mission

I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

have-fun feel internet way

Ghost! I miss him! Is that weird? I miss him even though I invented him. I feel a lot of tenderness toward him. I don't write a lot of stuff that is sad or that is tender and affectionate, so that has a very special place in my heart.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

feel place sad heart

Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

amazing look me writing

Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

i-write write more ideas

I love reading religious authors. Especially in the sort of circle I move in, people tend to be more secular, and I love reading books by just really smart people of religious faith. It's always a really cool perspective.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

cool faith love people

I spent the first 22 years of my life absorbing everything, like a big disgusting cell, and now I'm disgorging it with jokes added out into the world. That's a really gross metaphor.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

my-life jokes life world

I grew up in a home where reading was a big deal.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

big where reading home

In the hands of a passive-aggressive person who wants to abdicate responsibility for things, texting is a great tool. You can really go nuts.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

great you responsibility hands

It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

parents up growing-up two

A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

i-feel-like feel energy creative

When I think of Emily Dickinson, there's not one particular poem of hers that jumps out, but I do have a very vivid image of an ill woman with giant eyes who wants to write about the sun exploding.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

woman eyes think sun

I love 'Jane Eyre,' and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn't read any of them until I was in college, so I don't have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

think women college love

The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can't keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer's side of the partition.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg

customer you artist hands