My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and seven of those married. We got married on 07/07/07. We support each other 150 percent. We have fun. We are a modern-day Sonny & Cher. I don't sing. My wife sings. We're so different, but so alike. We got that ying and yang thing going on. You see it, but you don't know how it works.

J. B. Smoove

Categorized in : Years Fun Wife

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

J. B. Smoove

funny-videos chance people

Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel.

J. B. Smoove

mothers-day mother father

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

J. B. Smoove

tupperware phones stuff

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

J. B. Smoove

pants motivation trying

Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.

J. B. Smoove

dancer hip-hop names

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

J. B. Smoove

pieces bread fall

You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass.

J. B. Smoove

ass advantage people

Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.

J. B. Smoove

sometimes men mean

Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living.

J. B. Smoove

more-time alive trying

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

J. B. Smoove

chickens taste house

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

J. B. Smoove

wells life-is

To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent - that's what a comic has.

J. B. Smoove

signatures wrestling moving

I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused the plane to lose pressure, and the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. We felt the plane dropping; the pilot was taking it down to regain cabin pressure. My heart was in my stomach. I found out after landing that her mom was in labor. I did the show and came back to New York. By the time I walked into the hospital, my daughter was being born. She was waiting for me. She's a sweet daddy's girl. She's premed. She has her own pie company. She works for Habitat for Humanity.

J. B. Smoove

daughter girl mom

At the top of this list has to be "get in that ass". It's the ultimate Leonism to get you through life.

J. B. Smoove

ass ultimate lists

What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

J. B. Smoove

storyline happens

You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

J. B. Smoove

apples iphone months

I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby.

J. B. Smoove

suits-and-ties suits ties

Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest.

J. B. Smoove

tickets class firsts

There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.

J. B. Smoove

smart book people

Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.

J. B. Smoove

booty serious might