Janet Evanovich: These are desparate times."

I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.

Janet Evanovich

jelly peanut-butter sandwiches

I'm underrealized," Lula said. "I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons." "You expand any more in that dress, and you'll get yourself arrested," Connie said. -- Twelve Sharp

Janet Evanovich

twelve yesterday dresses

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

Janet Evanovich

dust boys school

Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.” “Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?” “He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.

Janet Evanovich

adequate morning blood

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

Janet Evanovich

celebration calories connected

Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both."-

Janet Evanovich

men funny next-week

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

Janet Evanovich

jerry these-days men

Personally, I'm a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don't have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It's magic. End of discussion.

Janet Evanovich

stress guy doors

Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.

Janet Evanovich

cake differences sex

Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.

Janet Evanovich

birthday lying thinking

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum

Janet Evanovich

junk three exercise

I like my nuts," Mooner said. "I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.

Janet Evanovich

cutting nuts want

There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing." Ranger

Janet Evanovich

sweet-things rangers sweet

Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. "Sorry about the blood." "What was it this time?" No one reported gunfire." "I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer." "Whoa." Dillon said. "It wasn't my fault," I told him. "Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for clean up.

Janet Evanovich

coffee sorry hair

Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities" You mean like a guardian angel?" I mean, like, it has seatbelts

Janet Evanovich

karma angel mean

Make sure your main characters are likeable. They can be flawed, but your readers need to be able to root for them.

Janet Evanovich

roots character needs

I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.

Janet Evanovich

temporary-insanity defense running

God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.

Janet Evanovich

guy morning breakfast

If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.

Janet Evanovich

dessert weight made

A uniform cordoned off the area with crime scene tape. The M.E. pulled in and parked. There were two EMT trucks idling at the edge of the lot. I’d stayed close to the back door, and one of the Rangeman guys had taken a position two feet from me, standing at parade rest. No doubt in my mind he’d take a bullet for me rather than face Ranger over a dead Stephanie.

Janet Evanovich

taken doors two

These are desparate times." - Stephanie Plum