Robert Benchley Professions : Humorist Born : September 15, 1889 Died : November 21, 1945 Browse All Authors Top 149 quotes by Robert Benchley There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and gold in the country at noon tomorrow and pile them on the table, you would find that you had just about one hundred dollars, with perhaps several Canadian pennies and a few peppermint Life Savers. Robert Benchley money gold country I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, "Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope," and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small. Robert Benchley envelopes return missing You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health. Robert Benchley suicide want inspirational Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. Robert Benchley It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. Robert Benchley Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about Robert Benchley There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. Robert Benchley Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. Robert Benchley back where guy dying Similar Authors Art Buchwald humorist Israel Zangwill humorist Abe Burrows humorist Don Marquis humorist David Sedaris humorist Corey Ford humorist All Authors