S. J. Perelman Professions : Humorist Born : February 1, 1904 Died : October 17, 1979 Browse All Authors Top 45 quotes by S. J. Perelman Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it. S. J. Perelman squash maturity love This medal (the National Book Award) together with my American Express card, will identify me worldwide ... except at Bloomingdale's. S. J. Perelman awards together book The waiters' eyes sparkled and their pencils flew as she proceeded to eviscerate my wallet – paté, Whitstable oysters, a sole, and a favorite salad of the Nizam of Hyderabad made of shredded five-pound notes. S. J. Perelman Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century. S. J. Perelman will living 21st-century learning I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. S. J. Perelman had you horse Similar Authors Art Buchwald humorist Israel Zangwill humorist Abe Burrows humorist Don Marquis humorist David Sedaris humorist Corey Ford humorist All Authors