All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence. Deborah Tannen More Quotes by Deborah Tannen More Quotes From Deborah Tannen To say anything about women and men without marking oneself as either feminist or anti-feminist, male-basher or apologist for men seems as impossible for a woman as trying to get dressed in the morning without inviting interpretations of her character. Sitting at the conference table musing on these matters, I felt sad to think that we women didn't have the freedom to be unmarked that the men sitting next to us had. Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman. Deborah Tannen morningcharactermen Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman. Deborah Tannen ifswant When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure. Deborah Tannen eventsdifferentplay The chivalrous man who holds a door open or signals a woman to go ahead of him when he's driving is negotiating both status and connection. Deborah Tannen connectionsdoorsmen Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women. Deborah Tannen girlmade The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others. Deborah Tannen understandingkeysmight When people realize that in the long run you may be turning off the audiences more, even though they will look temporarily--in the end they turn away, we really need to develop other metaphors and not talk about two sides, but talk about all sides. Deborah Tannen two-sidesrunninglong In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds. Deborah Tannen smashingminddoe The allure of love is to have someone who knows you so well that you don't have to explain yourself. It is the promise of someone who cares enough about you to protect you against the world of strangers who do not wish you well. Deborah Tannen wishlove-ispromise Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's Deborah Tannen overestimateunderestimate The Pavlovian view of women voters - plug the words in, and they will respond - sends a chill down my spine because it sounds like an adaptation of something I have written about communication between the sexes: When a woman tells a man about a problem, she doesn't want him to fix it; she just wants him to listen and let her know he understands. But there's a difference between a private conversation and a presidential election, between what we want from our leaders. Deborah Tannen womencommunicationsex Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball. Deborah Tannen baseballmenorder Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations. Deborah Tannen communicationlife-isconversation It's our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It's a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse. Deborah Tannen fightingtakenwar Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence Deborah Tannen cogsindependencecommunication Girls are not accustomed to jockeying for status in an obvious way; they are more concerned that they be liked. Deborah Tannen obviousgirlway Though all humans need both intimacy and independence, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions. Deborah Tannen independencefocusmen Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight. Deborah Tannen argumentfightingviews Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations. Deborah Tannen littlesmeanpeople [T]he seeds of [the Argument Culture] can be found our classrooms, where a teacher will introduce an article or an idea . . . setting up debates where people learn not to listen to each other because they're so busy trying to win the debate. Deborah Tannen winningteacherideas
