Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. Ambrose Bierce More Quotes by Ambrose Bierce More Quotes From Ambrose Bierce ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young. Ambrose Bierce simplicity practice long DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia. Ambrose Bierce wicked imperfection science SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. Ambrose Bierce imperfection kindness enemy Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance. Ambrose Bierce ignorance book knowledge MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them. Ambrose Bierce magic names art Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. Ambrose Bierce caverns holy-water baby DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters. Ambrose Bierce family daughter faith PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility. Ambrose Bierce gentle intellectual exercise RABBLE, n. In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred Simurgh, of Arabian fable - omnipotent on condition that it do nothing. Ambrose Bierce republic sacred exercise ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography. Ambrose Bierce oratory understanding cheating FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions. Ambrose Bierce discovery america art EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other-which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog. Ambrose Bierce dog order science COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own. Ambrose Bierce equal achievement pay GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone. Ambrose Bierce horse animal earthquakes HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads. Ambrose Bierce hydra kindness animal MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle. Ambrose Bierce nature nurse animal MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees. Ambrose Bierce home tree animal Inexpedient: Not calculated to advance one's interests. Ambrose Bierce interest nihilism EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state. Ambrose Bierce future raw-materials sarcastic Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit. Ambrose Bierce suggestions advice giving
