As a game-show host, what I'm thinking and what I'm experiencing doesn't matter. My opinion doesn't matter. So there's a flattened reality to it. It's fun to do. But it's certainly not myself in totality - or even maybe a little bit. Michael Ian Black More Quotes by Michael Ian Black More Quotes From Michael Ian Black You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did. Michael Ian Black stupid book children I'm trying to teach my children not to cry. That's the big thing. No crying. Because I think we can all agree that crying is, for the most part, for sissies. If my team loses, I'm going to cry. And I'm going to want my kids to see me crying. Not because I think sports are so important, but because I bet so much money on the game that we'll probably lose the house if my team doesn't win. That's something to cry about. Michael Ian Black team sports children My tastes in all things lean towards the arty and boring. I like sports documentaries about Scrabble players, bands that play quiet, unassuming music, and TV shows that win awards. In that way, I am an elitist snob. And proud of it. Michael Ian Black player winning sports The thing about narcissistic people is that they don't think they're being narcissistic. Michael Ian Black narcissistic people thinking My goal is to work. That's the goal of most actors or performers: to work and keep working, and do the best you can, and keep growing and changing, trying to improve your craft. Michael Ian Black actors goal trying Any time I am involved in something from conception to execution, that's obviously a lot more personal, and I'm going to be more invested in it than something where I just show up for a couple days, shoot, and leave. Michael Ian Black execution couple shows Sometimes the criticism is actually useful and constructive and actually informs what I do, but most of the time, it's sort of mindless, or they're receiving something on a different frequency than I was sending it. They're just not getting what I'm doing, and that's fine. Michael Ian Black receiving different criticism I think people hate me pretty much across the board, which is nice. Michael Ian Black nice hate thinking I'm not sure what it would mean to have "made it." Made what? Yes, I can make a decent living in show business, so if that's the criteria, then I've made it. But that doesn't feel that important to me. The stuff that matters to me are the new challenges. I know that sounds hokey, but it's true. Michael Ian Black yes-i-can challenges mean Part of what's exciting to me about my career is the constant looking forward. Whenever I finish one project, I am looking to what's next. Michael Ian Black looking-forward next careers I used to need the character but as I've gotten older I need it less and less - I prefer to play some version of myself. To approach any acting job as me just being me. Michael Ian Black play jobs character I'm very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day. Michael Ian Black effort hands compliment I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I'm trying to do is make them and their parents laugh. Michael Ian Black parent trying laughing I don't really read children's books or deal with children's books, so I don't have any relationship with them other than my own. Michael Ian Black deals book children Shuffling really isn't something you should be doing on your deathbed. Michael Ian Black shuffling deathbed should I'll never admit that I'm an actor, because the next horrible follow-up question is always, "Oh, what have I seen you in?" Michael Ian Black horrible next actors It doesn't matter what you're chasing, when you get there you're gonna be like, "Oh, is this all? It kind of sucks." Michael Ian Black chasing kind matter There is something about the human condition. I don't think dogs are like "If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I'd be totally happy." Dogs are happy with who they are. Michael Ian Black golden-retrievers dog thinking Whatever expectations I had for myself, none of them have come to pass. I grew up thinking I was going to be an actor, which I am. But I thought I'd be a very serious sort of Shakespearean guy going from town to town having sex with various Juliets all over the country. Michael Ian Black country sex thinking As an actor, you can show up on a set and be on a TV show for three or four years, or whatever it is and, by the end of it, you just want to do something else. Michael Ian Black tv-shows four years
