Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself! Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes From Marshall B. Rosenberg Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication anger expression Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication games play If I'm using Nonviolent Communication I never, never, never hear what somebody thinks about me. Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. You'll enjoy life more. Hear the truth. The truth is that when somebody's telling you what's wrong with you, the truth is they have a need that isn't getting met. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear the analysis. Marshall B. Rosenberg truth inspirational life All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished. Marshall B. Rosenberg pain encouragement believe Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being. Marshall B. Rosenberg inspirational giving people Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being. Marshall B. Rosenberg respect strong offering Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing. Marshall B. Rosenberg demand labels feelings You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less stupid. Marshall B. Rosenberg brilliant communication stupid We are never angry because of what others say or do. It is our thinking that makes us angry. Marshall B. Rosenberg nonviolent-communication communication thinking The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfill everyone's needs. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication honesty order If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy feel-better thinking Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty or obligation. Marshall B. Rosenberg punishment love-you children Classifying and judging people promotes violence. Marshall B. Rosenberg judging-people communication violence Everything we do is in service of our needs. When this one concept is applied to our view of others, we'll see that we have no real enemies, that what others do to us is the best possible thing they know to do to get their needs met. Marshall B. Rosenberg real views enemy With empathy, I'm fully with them, not full of them — that's sympathy. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy connections eye If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do not want people to have a consciousness of life, of their needs. Because people do not make good slaves when they're connected to life... That's why in the public schools the primary objective is obedience to authority. Marshall B. Rosenberg kings people school If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from the heart. Marshall B. Rosenberg use want heart There are the two main reasons we don't get our needs met. First, we don't know how to express our needs to begin with and second if we do, we forget to put a clear request after it, or we use vague words like appreciate, listen, recognize, know, be real, and stuff like that. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication real two People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people. Marshall B. Rosenberg distance communication people
