Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.

Berkeley Breathed

Categorized in : Funny Food Christmas

I will go to my grave in a state of abject endless fascination that we all have the capacity to become emotionally involved with a personality that doesn't exist.

Berkeley Breathed

fascination states personality

The universe throws us some obvious little pitches sometimes, and we need to be awake enough not to let them slip by.

Berkeley Breathed

littles sometimes needs

'Harry Potter' shouldn't be children's first experience with suspense and plot turns.

Berkeley Breathed

suspense plot children

My kids hear me behind my door, giggling like an idiot, and they roll their eyes at the blatant indignity of it all.

Berkeley Breathed

eye doors kids

I happen to think nearly everybody - especially those one might find in the odd issue of 'People' magazine, including me - is frightfully boring, especially me. And Tom Cruise. Tom and I are alike in only this way.

Berkeley Breathed

issues people thinking

I can say that even in the midst of my most cynical comic stripping: Opus shone through with a bit of heart, anchoring the ugly proceedings with a comforting pull of emotion.

Berkeley Breathed

cynical heart comforting

It was a huge challenge to learn digital painting well enough so that computers don't pop into mind when one sees one.

Berkeley Breathed

digital challenges mind

The digital world has allowed me a connection with my reader that I'd never had before. I didn't meet the people who read my material. The fan letters were mostly answered by professional people that'd done them for a living. And I didn't have any daily connection with their response to my work. I didn't have a relationship with my audience. And every artist should have it.

Berkeley Breathed

artist should-have people

Irony can elude the genius among us, sometimes.

Berkeley Breathed

irony elude genius

I don't get fan mail. It disappeared with the digital revolution.

Berkeley Breathed

digital-revolution mail fans

I hate smoothies. Because they won't offer Firestone IPA beer as an ingredient.

Berkeley Breathed

smoothies hate beer

The cartooning was always just an abstraction. It was an income. It was making me famous. It was allowing me to go and do other things that I'd wanted to do.

Berkeley Breathed

income abstraction wanted

It's not terribly dignified to have anyone seeing one laugh at one's own material.

Berkeley Breathed

seeing materials laughing

I started as a news photographer at the University Of Texas' Daily Texan.

Berkeley Breathed

news texas photographer

I paint digitally now. A pity, in some ways, as the biggest price one pays is that you no longer have a finished piece of physical art to hang on a wall. I miss that terribly.

Berkeley Breathed

wall missing art

I grew up in Los Angeles and always wished I'd spent a childhood in a far different place.

Berkeley Breathed

los-angeles childhood different

I ignore Hallmark Holidays. And this comes from a guy who has sold a million Opus greeting cards.

Berkeley Breathed

holiday guy cards

And just as it is with all proper grannies, she ordered me into my pink bunny jammies.

Berkeley Breathed

granny jammies bunnies

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

Berkeley Breathed

happy happiness funny

I drew the last image ever of Opus at midnight while Puccini was playing and I got rather stupid. Thirty years. A bit like saying goodbye to a child - which is ironic because I was never, never sentimental about him as many of his fans were.

Berkeley Breathed

stupid goodbye children