Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Arnold Schwarzenegger is now governor of California. He is a very shrewd man - he already has all of his sex scandals behind him. David Letterman california men sex They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one. David Letterman president-obama problem president Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he'll throw in a free 32-ounce soda. David Letterman soda cain today Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep. David Letterman eight sleep years I love the protests. And if you think about it, what better way to send a message to Wall Street than by sitting in a pup tent banging on a drum. David Letterman wall way thinking Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license. David Letterman fake may thinking I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty? David Letterman potty wall sides So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed. David Letterman boston yankees guy The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.' David Letterman pope towns book Today is the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln wrote it on his way to the site of the speech on the back of an envelope. One guy on the back of an envelope wrote the great Gettysburg Address - while every night it takes six guys to write this crap! David Letterman guy writing night Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble. David Letterman going-away war thinking John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're not supposed to ignore terrorist threats until after you become president. David Letterman odd president busy Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign. David Letterman might book thinking The campaign for the White House is heating up with John Kerry taking heat for throwing his Vietnam medals away, getting a $1000 haircut, and wearing a 1970s wig known as 'the Leno.' There are really two sides to this story. And America can't wait for Kerry to present both of them. David Letterman two-sides white america Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats. David Letterman giving-up sorry yesterday One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News. David Letterman next-day iraq leader Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit. David Letterman sitting trying today Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Iowa, virtually going door to door to every home in Iowa. Jehovah's Witnesses finally got fed up and said, 'Get lost. Get out of here!' David Letterman iowa home doors Tim Tebow has been on the bench longer than Ruth Bader Ginsburg. David Letterman tebow ruth benches Tim Tebow may be back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. As you remember, he was thrown out of the league when he landed his gyrocopter on the White House lawn. David Letterman nfl eagles white
