Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. Judith Martin More Quotes by Judith Martin More Quotes From Judith Martin There was no singles problem until singles got so single-minded that they stopped wasting time with anyone ineligible. Before that, it was understood that one of society's main tasks was matchmaking. People with lifelong friendships and ties to local nonprofessional organizations did not have to fear that isolation would accompany retirement, old age, or losing a spouse. Overburdened householders could count on the assistance not only of their own extended families, but of the American tradition of neighborliness. Judith Martin tiesorganizationretirement Greece is a good place for rebirths. Judith Martin good-placegreecerebirth The simple idea that everyone needs a reasonable amount of challenging work in his or her life, and also a personal life, complete with noncompetitive leisure, has never really taken hold. Judith Martin takensimpleinspirational . . . women were brought up to have only one set of manners. A woman was either a lady or she wasn't, and we all know what the latter meant. Not even momentary lapses were allowed; there is no female equivalent of the boys-will-be-boys concept. Judith Martin lapsesfemaleboys If you put together all the ingredients that naturally attract children - sex, violence, revenge, spectacle and vigorous noise - what you have is grand opera. Judith Martin revengechildrensex It is not rude to turn off your telephone by switching it on to an answering machine, which is cheaper and less disruptive than ripping it out of the wall. Those who are offended because they cannot always get through when they seek, at their own convenience, to barge in on people are suffering from a rude expectation. Judith Martin wallexpectationspeople The idea that people can behave naturally, without resorting to an artificial code tacitly agreed upon by their society, is as silly as the idea that they can communicate by a spoken language without commonly accepted semantic and grammatical rules. Judith Martin sillypeopleideas Part of the skill of saying no is to shut up afterward and not babble on, offering material for an argument. Judith Martin womenskillsoffering I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. Judith Martin differentprinciplesculture Precision marching is less important for the bridal party than maintaining the proper facial expresssions: The bridegroom must look awed; the bridesmaids, happy and excited; the father of the bride, proud; and the bride, demure. If the bridegroom feels doubtful, the bridesmaids, sulky, the father, worried, and the bride, blasé, nobody wants to know. Judith Martin partyimportantfather Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. Judith Martin honestyinsultingmean When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. Judith Martin uglybehaviorpeople Life is full of wonderful passions that come and go over the years, but the only one that will never let you down is reading. Judith Martin passionreadingyears Manners require showing consideration of all human beings, not just the ones to whom one is close. Judith Martin considerationhumansmanners I have always believed that the key to a happy marriage was the ability to say with a straight face, 'Why, I don't know what you're worrying about. I thought you were very funny last night and I'm sure everybody else did, too. Judith Martin keysworrynight Screening telephone calls with a receptionist or the humbler answering machine is not a dishonorable thing to do. The warmest people in the world still need uninterrupted time to attend to their lives and should not be outwitted if they have made it obvious that they are not always available upon summons. Judith Martin machinespeopleneeds You don't want to look too chic at a Washington party or people will think you don't have a job worth losing. Judith Martin partyjobsthinking Etiquette is about all of human social behavior. Behavior is regulated by law when etiquette breaks down or when the stakes are high - violations of life, limb, property and so on. Barring that, etiquette is a little social contract we make that we will restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community. Judith Martin social-behaviorcommunitylaw A lot of men got upset at the feminist movement because they had all the toys and we wanted some. Judith Martin upsetfeministmen Smart people duck when they hear the dread announcement 'I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. Judith Martin smartduckshonesty
