Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around. Jimmy Fallon More Quotes by Jimmy Fallon More Quotes From Jimmy Fallon Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns. Jimmy Fallon gunyearsideas Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. Jimmy Fallon fightingrunningpeople There are reports that Kim Jong Un climbed North Korea's highest mountain. Kim Jong Un said all it took to climb that mountain was hard work, determination, and lying about climbing that mountain. Jimmy Fallon hard-workdeterminationlying Yesterday President Obama traveled to Jamaica, where he will meet with students and Caribbean leaders. Jamaica's such a beautiful place, Obama says he can't wait to just take it all in, hold it for several seconds, and then exhale. Jimmy Fallon jamaicayesterdaybeautiful If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful. Jimmy Fallon awfulguybelieve According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I just made that poll up.' Jimmy Fallon trustworthyhonestbelieve Donald Trump's campaign has raised about $100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump money? That's like giving your money to a pile of money. Jimmy Fallon campaignsimportantgiving MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell is saying Donald Trump lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his 'Apprentice' series on NBC. NBC also denied Trump's claim, saying, 'We don't have $20 million. We're NBC.' Jimmy Fallon nbchostyears Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop in Las Vegas yesterday. She said she wants citizenship for undocumented immigrants. But after seeing Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo yesterday, immigrants said, 'You know what, we're good. We're gonna head back now. We had enough.' Jimmy Fallon vegascampaignsyesterday A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches to 'Dude, ranches.' Jimmy Fallon marijuanatexashouse In a speech in South Carolina, Donald Trump responded to criticisms from Senator Lindsey Graham by giving out Graham's personal cellphone number. Graham knew something was up when he saw he had more than one missed call. Jimmy Fallon criticismnumbersgiving Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, "But I did not say which side. Jimmy Fallon isisrussiafighting Hillary Clinton said that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi is engaged in 'theater.' Which explains the new strategy to defeat him: casting him as the lead in 'Spider-Man: the Musical.' Jimmy Fallon musicalleadermen I got my shot at the movies. I love doing standup live. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to try movies, so I gave it a shot. I had two shots and I didn't really do it. That wasn't really happening for me. On the second movie I got to meet the girl that would be my wife. So I got to hang out with her and get engaged, and get the whole wedding thing. It was really great. Jimmy Fallon wifegirltwo Most kids come home from school. They don't go to their TVs first. They go to the Internet. They check their emails, or some blogs, or some sites. Then they go watch TV. Other people are at work all day 9-5 in front of a computer. They see certain clips. We're not going to hide the fact that people use the Internet. We're going to try to be as interactive as possible with our fans. I'm currently on Twitter and Facebook and Flicker and Dig. I'm on all that stuff. Jimmy Fallon homekidsschool You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.' Jimmy Fallon realdogbaby I feel like I'm being too Zen. I'm inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It's embarrassing. Jimmy Fallon incenseembarrassingtoo-much Success is.... happiness. Is that too Deepak Chopra? Jimmy Fallon The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and you never thought he would retire. Jimmy Fallon tonightrememberjobs The key to happiness. Hm.... There are just so many factors. I think it's just a way of being. It's about.... every little thing in moderation. Whether it be stress, anger, joy, depression. Jimmy Fallon stresskeysthinking
