Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' Pat Paulsen More Quotes by Pat Paulsen More Quotes From Pat Paulsen All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. Pat Paulsen united-states immigration government Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business. Pat Paulsen knowing rights law I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying. Pat Paulsen order lying negative No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job. Pat Paulsen good-job government jobs Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. Pat Paulsen circles wings country I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. Pat Paulsen alive want thinking I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. Pat Paulsen standards I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird. Pat Paulsen middle wings bird Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. Pat Paulsen deep-down shallow happens I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes! Pat Paulsen talking-politics girl country Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them. Pat Paulsen marijuana teenager hands Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.' Pat Paulsen wine white house We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman. Pat Paulsen supervillains pondering riot If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles? Pat Paulsen iowa land heart If elected, I will win. Pat Paulsen i-will-win ifs winning The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that. Pat Paulsen government half running It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies. Pat Paulsen kissing baby hands In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. Pat Paulsen growing-up boys america We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. Pat Paulsen effort land beautiful It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate. Pat Paulsen presidential liars running
