Here’s the problem. It increasingly seems like, if Donald Trump loses, we are not going to get the concession speech that the country badly needs, because Donald Trump is medically incapable of accepting that Donald Trump is Donald Trump, so we need to find a way for Donald Trump to give a concession speech, while Donald Trump’s still able to claim that Donald Trump won something.

John Oliver

Categorized in : Latest Headlines

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.

John Oliver

clay roles would-be

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

John Oliver

vacation relax i-can

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

John Oliver

boring evil want

There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.

John Oliver

driving watches people

When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.

John Oliver

crazy mean people

There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers.

John Oliver

new-yorkers inherent

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.

John Oliver

listening two people

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

John Oliver

crazy baby children

The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.

John Oliver

finding-yourself poverty age

I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.

John Oliver

eye talking thinking

A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.

John Oliver

bags clubs southern

If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where delegates come from all over the world to f*** up this city’s traffic.

John Oliver

events cities new-york

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.

John Oliver

trying ideas interesting

As a general rule, no one should ever be allowed to say there is no history of racial tension here, because that sentence has never been true anywhere on Earth.

John Oliver

tension should earth

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

John Oliver

drains empires british

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

John Oliver

beast addiction

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

John Oliver

anchors mistake thinking

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

John Oliver

emotion powerful kind

Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.

John Oliver

care should facts

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

John Oliver

sound