Jonathan Stroud: Hey, we've all got problems, chum. I'm overly talkati...

And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.

Jonathan Stroud

novelists good-luck hands

As a child I was really into fantasy books with elves and goblins and swords, and I went through a phase for a few years when I was reading endless series. But in the end I became totally fed-up with all these sub-Tolkien rip-offs because they all end up doing the same old things and there's no rigour to it.

Jonathan Stroud

rip book children

That did it. I'd gone through a lot in the past few days. Everyone I met seemed to want a piece of me: djinn, magicians, humans...it made no difference.I'd been summoned, manhandled, shot at, captured, constricted, bossed about and generally taken for granted. And now, to cap it all, this bloke is joining in too, when all I'd been doing was quietly trying to kill him.

Jonathan Stroud

joining-in taken past

Much has happened since last we met, Bartimaeus," he went on. "Do you remember how we parted?" "No." I did. "You set light to me, old friend. Struck a match and left me burning in a copse." The crow shifted uneasily beneath the cleaver."That's a gesture of endearment in some cultures. Some hug, some kiss, some set each other on fire in small patches of woodland.

Jonathan Stroud

kissing light fire

Can you define "plan" as "a loose sequence of manifestly inadequate observations and conjectures, held together by panic, indecision, and ignorance"? If so, it was a very good plan.

Jonathan Stroud

panic ignorance together

Oh, the boots were on the other eight feet now.

Jonathan Stroud

eight boots feet

That's usually how they start, the young ones. Meaningless waffle.

Jonathan Stroud

young-ones waffles young

Jabor finally appeared at the top of the stairs, sparks of flame radiating from his body and igniting the fabric of the house around him. He caught sight of the boy, reached out his hand and stepped forward. And banged his head nicely on the low-slung attic door.

Jonathan Stroud

sight doors boys

Then again, Solomon was human. And that meant he was flawed (Go on, take a look at yourself in the mirror. A good long look, if you can bear it. See? Flawed's putting it mildly, isn't it?)

Jonathan Stroud

mirrors long looks

Pardon me, Highness, a women waits whithout." "Whithout what?

Jonathan Stroud

pardon-me pardon waiting

If anyone else asked that question, O He Who Is Terrible and Great, I would have said they were an ignorant fool; in you it is a sign of the disarming simplicity which is the fount of all virtue.

Jonathan Stroud

ignorant fool simplicity

Fiftey years isn't too bad. With luck you might see it happen when your a sweet,old granny,dandling big fat babies on your knee. Actully"-he held up a hand,interrupting Kitty's cry of protest-"no,that's wrong. My projection is incorrect." "Good." "You'll never be a sweet old granny. Let's say,'sad,lonely old biddy' instead.

Jonathan Stroud

lonely sweet baby

Ambition is all very well, my lad, but you must cloak it.

Jonathan Stroud

cloaks wells ambition

Watch where you leave your victims! I stubbed my toe on that.

Jonathan Stroud

toes victim watches

Did Lovelace's forces find you? Did Jabor break in?" He spoke slowly through clenched teeth. "I went to get a newspaper" This is getting better and better! I shook my head regretfully. "You should leave such a dangerous assignment to people better qualified: next time ask an old granny, or a toddler-

Jonathan Stroud

teeth get-better people

A dozen more questions occurred to me. Not to mention twenty-two possible solutions to each one, sixteen resulting hypotheses and counter-theorems, eight abstract speculations, a quadrilateral equation, two axioms, and a limerick. That's raw intelligence for you.

Jonathan Stroud

eight twenties two

One magician demanded I show him an image of the love of his life. I rustled up a mirror.

Jonathan Stroud

samarkand magician mirrors

Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style." "That is a footstool.

Jonathan Stroud

style form taken

The column hung above the middle of the pentacle, bubbling ever upward against the ceiling like the cloud of an erupting volcanoe. There was a barely perceptible pause. Then two yellow staring eyes materialized in the heart of the smoke. Hey, it was his first time. I wanted to scare him. And it did, too.

Jonathan Stroud

eye clouds heart

There was a loud cough from the man on the stand. I replaced My Magic Mirror carefully on his tray, gave him a cheesy smile, and went my way.

Jonathan Stroud

cheesy mirrors men

Hey, we've all got problems, chum. I'm overly talkative. You look like a field of buttercups in a suit.