How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow? Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president. Dana Gould tv-shows land evil I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line. Dana Gould coffee waiting long Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off. Dana Gould competition winning want My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much. Dana Gould chemistry guy teacher Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no. Dana Gould voice littles fun Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute. Dana Gould scary ears cute What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork? Dana Gould what-if devil fire When you break life down, it's about 100% time management. Dana Gould time-management break management Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'. Dana Gould moon names war Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past. Dana Gould people past school What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number. Dana Gould cells numbers giving The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb. Dana Gould bombs guy pressure What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman. Dana Gould nice heaven people Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants. Dana Gould pants remembers-you remember-you Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty. Dana Gould three stars war If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice. Dana Gould lice may ideas Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change. Dana Gould storm climate believe When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago. Dana Gould time-machine machines long Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper. Dana Gould age dog lying There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas. Dana Gould soup eating way
