https://www.bostonglobe.com/2015/10/15/like-good-neighbor-communication-there/dwAHrxdvqZYPPqwUCnrlHL/story.html#comments

Americo Mello

The Christmas get-together may be that one time a year when you are forced to interact with unpleasant family members, and your past history with those family members, too, which maybe is not a positive one, but there are a few things you can do to manage the expectations and stresses that come with the holiday get-together.

It will be helpful to remember that you ca n’t change other people, and even if some change is possible, it probably is not going to happen at the Christmas party, it’s also helpful to be prepared for the stress, ready for the behaviors that are unpleasant or upsetting.

Working mothers are susceptible to stress related to the family get-together, as are those who are divorced and widowed, and anyone experiencing financial difficulties, also, older people, or those who are n’t well physically, may feel stress leading up to the family get-together.

There’s nothing wrong with slipping out of the room during an unpleasant or tense conversation, or joining others to watch a movie or just relax, also, don’t feel pressured to offer a comment about anything — take a few deep breaths and let it go.

Try to remember why you are gathered together, and focus on that, think about the positive aspects of your family, the love that is there, and keep that uppermost in your mind.

Americo Mello understands this sentiment, and says there are two areas we can fix if we are dreading the family gathering. First, change our behaviors leading up to ‘ the big day, ’ prior to the gathering, engage in calming behaviors — especially exercise. Take a walk, or practice meditation. This will prepare your mind for the family gathering.

Do n’t expect anything that is probably unrealistic — your uncle may still drink too much, your nephews may still fight over the remote. Accept that some things don’t change.