I'd happily cover the British Open every year until St. Andrews slides into the sea or Scotland runs out of beer, whichever happens first. Steve Rushin More Quotes by Steve Rushin More Quotes From Steve Rushin If you own face paint and a bulb horn and you're not a circus clown, you might be uncool. Steve Rushin face own you clown I've been to all seven continents on assignment for 'SI.' Steve Rushin assignment been continents seven Golf mogul Donald Trump sports an arrangement of hair that is less a comb-over than a 'do-over, a candy-floss confection of gossamer wisps that comes off as the clumsiest cover-up since Watergate. Steve Rushin donald-trump hair golf sports With the exception of undertakers, athletes are the only professionals obliged to feign sorrow on a daily basis, pretending that every June baseball loss is a tragedy requiring library silence in the clubhouse. Steve Rushin daily library silence loss As good as NFL Films is at making players human, it's even better at making players superhuman. No Hollywood studio has made movies that are more grand or gorgeous. Every meticulous shot of 'Hard Knocks' is a vision: every slow-motion spiral, every shaved head steaming like a Manhattan manhole cover. Steve Rushin movies better good vision What's certain is that ranking powerful people is inherently self-defeating. For starters, true potentates know who they are without being told, and they have no need to announce it. Steve Rushin true know powerful people Everything gleamed or glinted on TV in the '70s, from the 'flavor crystals' in Folgers coffee to the yellow dentures dipped in Polident and instantly restored to pristine, piano-key whiteness. Steve Rushin everything flavor coffee yellow 'Uff da,' for the unenlightened, is Norwegian for 'oy vey' and is a common expression in Minnesotese. Steve Rushin norwegian expression common Occasionally, Americans in large numbers are moved by a vanquished athlete's grief. Larry Bird with a towel over his head in 1979 comes immediately to mind. But more often, sports fans do the opposite - they delight in the desolation of a defeated archrival. Steve Rushin grief mind bird sports As a kid, I always had my nose buried in the side of a cereal box. Steve Rushin nose box kid always I remember seeing Letterman do stand-up on 'The Tonight Show.' Or, it's probably more accurate to say, I remember hearing him do stand-up, because the Carson show existed mainly as sound leaking under my bedroom door at night. I'd hear Johnny telling jokes and my dad laughing at them. Steve Rushin door dad remember night I had started writing for 'Sports Illustrated,' which was really my dream job growing up. But the writing probably read like I was auditioning to write for 'Letterman' or '70s-era Carson. Steve Rushin job growing-up dream sports That's what Letterman did. He mocked everything and everyone in show business, even though he was at the top of show business. He was in it but not really of it, and that's one thing I came to love about him. I mean, you can't sit there and interview Cher and pretend you're not in show business, but he managed to pull it off somehow. Steve Rushin pretend you business love History is not just written by the winners; it's written about them. Steve Rushin winners about just history