Janeane Garofalo: I didn't start acting until I was 27, and that was j...

My hell is going to be the stairmaster wing of Dante's inferno, where they're gonna tape my feet to the pedals and the only music I get is Michael Bolton karaoke style.

Janeane Garofalo

style feet wings

There's no reason to be doing comedy during the day in a hot tent. I don't know why anyone thinks it's a good idea, but festival after festival keeps doing it. I did see some of the other comedians struggling.

Janeane Garofalo

comedian struggle thinking

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"

Janeane Garofalo

guy evil beer

I feel bad that people think that "feminism" is a dirty word. I don't understand that at all, I'm proud to be labeled a feminist. I consider myself a person who has throughout my entire life stood up for myself. It's never been my ambition to be someone who takes a backseat to anything. I'm not a male basher at all. I divide people into assholes and non-assholes, and that's genderless. I encounter sexism everyday.

Janeane Garofalo

ambition dirty thinking

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

Janeane Garofalo

betrayal legacy dresses

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

Janeane Garofalo

work-out guy real

Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.

Janeane Garofalo

creating eye spiritual

Herman Cain is probably well liked by some of the Republicans because it hides the racist elements of the Republican Party. Conservative movement and tea party movement... People like Karl Rove liked to keep the racism very covert. And so Herman Cain provides this great opportunity say you can say ‘Look, this is not a racist, anti-immigrant, anti-female, anti-gay movement. Look we have a black man!'” Garofalo hypothesized. “Look he’s polling well and won a straw poll!

Janeane Garofalo

gay party stupid

But let me ask you this though, first and foremost: who's your favorite Spice Girl? Mine is Sporty Spice and I'll tell you why. You know what? She might not be as aesthetically pleasant as the rest but she'll do a backflip and steal your heart.

Janeane Garofalo

spices girl heart

Now, granted, there are still as many heartbreaking things going on. There are so many things in the Obama administration to be sick over that certainly didn't change. And also our media, if it's possible, seems to be getting even worse. The alleged news media. And then there are the teabag racists adding insult to injury. But I don't have that same heartbreak anymore, because it's not fresh heartbreak anymore. It's like I'm used to it. I'm sure we all are just used to it.

Janeane Garofalo

heartbreaking racist sick

I did not support Operation Desert Fox.

Janeane Garofalo

desert support foxes

German accents and Hassidic accents aren't that romantic. They're more harsh. Although Hebrew, when spoken by certain people, sounds beautiful. There's this beautiful woman I know who speaks Hebrew, and when she speaks, it's so attractive. Maybe it's who's speaking it.

Janeane Garofalo

sound beautiful people

It's not like I would see anyone and be like, "Oh yes, that person looks like maybe I had an impact on them." I don't think I did. I don't think I ever was that well known, to have an impact. And I haven't seen comics that I go, "Oh, yes! That person is terribly unprepared, with their notebook, and going off on 50 tangents. There you are. That's me."

Janeane Garofalo

well-known notebook thinking

Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes.

Janeane Garofalo

hate ignorance wings

I was a 36C or D, and at 5' 1'', I knew that being a small person with big boobs standing in front of an audience was not going to be easy. It would be really hard to get people to pay attention to me without mocking me. Getting a breast reduction to prepare for my career was no different from people who work to get good grades to get into a good college to get into a good graduate school to get a good job. I went down to a B cup, and it was the best thing in the whole world.

Janeane Garofalo

college jobs school

He [God] just seems so man-made to me. There are so many theories, and not everyone can be right. It's human nature to need a religious crutch, and I don't begrudge anyone that. I just don't need one.

Janeane Garofalo

religious men needs

I definitely get the sense that I'm an elder statesman, but I don't know if there's an impact - and I'm not saying that in a naïve way. I don't know. I think anybody who's been doing it for 25 years is going to be considered an elder statesman. But I don't know if I've impacted anyone.

Janeane Garofalo

thinking

I'm not religious anymore, but I think it's like papal infallibility, which is a ridiculous man-made tenet, like what I believe most religious tenets to be, are man-made after the fact.

Janeane Garofalo

religious men believe

There's always [on women's magazines] that great photo of the actress or model lifting up her shirt just to show you the bone structure and the six-pack of her own. It's almost like when horses are auctioned and they show you their teeth. 'Am I good enough?'

Janeane Garofalo

teeth magazines horse

... being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.

Janeane Garofalo

rights mean believe

I didn't start acting until I was 27, and that was just through Gary Shandling and Ben Stiller who I knew through stand-up. And they both in the same year offered me parts on their programs which was unbelievably lucky and fortuitous.