I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth. Jimmy Fallon More Quotes by Jimmy Fallon More Quotes From Jimmy Fallon A new study found that Americans are exercising more than ever but still not losing much weight. Not good in fact, it's all I could think about on my jog to Dunkin' Donuts. Jimmy Fallon weight exercise thinking President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs, and they were like, 'Oh, you'll see.' Jimmy Fallon construction-workers beer jobs Today, Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that a firehouse isn't a house where you get to fire people. Jimmy Fallon cities new-york fire The Senate has passed a new bill that requires TV stations to lower the volume level on commercials. This is great, a hundred of the most powerful people in the nation have managed to do the same thing my remote does. Jimmy Fallon powerful doe people Ten Delta Airlines baggage handlers were arrested for smuggling drugs into Detroit. Yeah, you can tell Delta was involved, because the drugs were supposed to be smuggled into Chicago. Jimmy Fallon baggage drug chicago Christine O'Donnell released a commercial in which she says, 'I'm not a witch.' That's pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent's slogan, 'I'm not Christine O'Donnell.' Jimmy Fallon christine witch opponents Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one. Jimmy Fallon conan know-how land In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders. Jimmy Fallon kentucky military fire A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage. Jimmy Fallon divorce weight men Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously Jimmy Fallon packs adults knows It's all about the script. Reality is key to me and less cutesy. Jimmy Fallon scripts keys reality Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen. Jimmy Fallon hard-work worry stuff Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial Jimmy Fallon activity live-your-life beneficial In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In response, President Obama was like, 'Yeah, that's how families work.' Jimmy Fallon gun president children When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m. Jimmy Fallon dad sleep baby God invented mankind because he loved silly stories. Ralph Steadman I like being absurd. Jimmy Fallon laughter stories silly I never sing in the shower. It's very dangerous. Jimmy Fallon dangerous showers Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.' Jimmy Fallon new-york running thinking A group called Draft Biden 2016 has started selling bumper stickers that say 'I'm ridin' with Biden.' It's a lot better than the other one that women around the White House have started using - 'I'm hidin' from Biden.' Jimmy Fallon groups white house We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you'd expect, security's been pretty tight. On my way in I got five pat-downs, and that was just from Joe Biden. Jimmy Fallon biden tonight way
