I do have a fantasy life in which I can grout bathrooms - but not for a living. Will Self More Quotes by Will Self More Quotes From Will Self I am a regular if not exactly enthusiastic patron of my local bookshop. I try to buy at least some books there because I cling to the belief that it's important to maintain those businesses which put a human face on the exchange of money for goods and services. Will Self importanttryingbook The novelist, quite rightly, fears the psychoanalyst as both an enemy and a usurper. Will Self usurpersnovelistsenemy Whatever respect photography may once have deserved is now superfluous in view of its own superfluity. Will Self photographyviewsmay If the government announced that it was going to allocate a vast tranche of education funding purely to the pupils at the best public schools, there would be a national outcry - and yet this is precisely what the Olympics represents in terms of sports funding. Will Self governmentsportsschool For myself, I haven't been content to carry on producing books that merely strain against the conventions - as I've grown older, and realised that there aren't that many books left for me to write, so I've become determined that they should be the fictive equivalent of ripping the damn corset off altogether and chucking it on the fire. Will Self firewritingbook I don't think in terms of that bizarre tautology 'value for money' in my literary and journalistic work - and nor will I in my academic role. However, if I don't believe I'm helping my students towards a fuller and more empowering relationship with the world, then I'll resign. Will Self empoweringbelievethinking Death, the real simile for disease - for when we are ill, do we not always feel like we are dying, even if it's only a little? - remains, despite our secularism, the most metaphoricised phenomenon of all. Will Self diseasedyingreal The high arts of literature and music stand in a curious relationship to one another, at once securely comfortable and deeply uneasy - rather like a long-term marriage. Will Self literaturelongart You may have gathered that I am not the most cheerful of revellers - some characterise me as the death and soullessness of any party but it wasn't always so, believe me. Will Self cheerfulpartybelieve The life of the professional writer - like that of any freelance, whether she be a plumber or a podiatrist - is predicated on willpower. Without it there simply wouldn't be any remuneration, period. Will Self remunerationwillpowerperiods Live life and write about life. Of the making of many books there is indeed no end, but there are more than enough books about books. Will Self writinglifebook A very beautiful young woman once asked me to sign her breasts. That was back when I was a hip young thing - it's been all downhill since then. Will Self back-whenhipsbeautiful Is there anything more useless than a crouton? I sometimes wake up in the small hours with a start and realise that what's roused me is an overpowering urge to visit violence on its originator. Will Self wake-upuselessviolence Certainly, for time out of mind, an obsessive dwelling on happier former days has been synonymous with getting older, while it was the juvenescent who rushed with open arms to embrace the future. Will Self getting-olderdwellingmind As a writer, I'm not convinced that we are the best equipped to understand how we go about the business of literary production. Will Self convincedproductions Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you stand in the corner of your writing room, shouting very loudly to yourself while drinking a bottle of white wine. Then masturbate under the desk. The following day you will feel a deep and cohering sense of embarrassment. Will Self partyteamdrinking My novels tend to come about from a fusion of two big ideas, creating a critical mass that then fissions, throwing off hundreds of other particles, riffs, tropes and characters. Will Self charactertwoideas As a bookish adolescent, I sopped up texts as if I were blotting paper and they were fluid. Will Self fluidpaperifs There is something mysteriously powerful that can happen when young, inchoate minds come into contact with older and more worldly ones in a spirit of intellectual and creative endeavour - if I believed in progress, I suppose that's what I'd call it. Will Self powerfulcreativeintellectual Lives don't divide up into chapters. People don't just talk, while nothing's going on in their head, and then respond. You know, none of these things actually happen. Will Self chaptershappenspeople
