I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing me. Craig Ferguson More Quotes by Craig Ferguson More Quotes From Craig Ferguson Sarah Palin has managed to use her failed vice presidential run to put herself in a position of power and influence. Joe Biden won the race and he hasn't been able to put himself in a position of power and influence. Craig Ferguson position-of-power race running Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever. Craig Ferguson New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone. Craig Ferguson ipods iphone phones Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet. Craig Ferguson aphrodisiac drink internet A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it. Craig Ferguson purses helping looks I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV. Craig Ferguson united-states tvs want Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself. Craig Ferguson bumblebees evil doe Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana. Craig Ferguson canada marijuana borders I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there. Craig Ferguson white class america It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading. Craig Ferguson reading home animal Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins. Craig Ferguson cat games winning People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth. Craig Ferguson gay acceptance people I'm careful with money. Craig Ferguson careful If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in. Craig Ferguson scotland war america If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. Craig Ferguson accountability gone night I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel. Craig Ferguson awkward party talking I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move. Craig Ferguson marching-on boys moving There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on. Craig Ferguson independent kind feelings Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers. Craig Ferguson friday suffering fall If the Fed ceases hiking, against the backdrop of still rising commodity prices, then the Australian dollar will have few reasons for resisting any topside advances. Craig Ferguson commodity-prices dollars hiking
