I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. Woody Allen Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end. Woody Allen I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. Woody Allen At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time. Woody Allen Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen I am at two with nature. Woody Allen I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen If you look like your passport photo, you're too sick to travel. Woody Allen Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things. Woody Allen It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Woody Allen Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. Woody Allen On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. Woody Allen Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. Woody Allen Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. Woody Allen The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
