I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom. David Spade More Quotes by David Spade More Quotes From David Spade There's always something funny about men chasing women. David Spade chasingmen You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun. David Spade depressingfunlooks Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good. David Spade flightpilotsnames You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five! David Spade notesdadrooms I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her. David Spade rudegentlemanage My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators. David Spade retiringcalculatorsnerd Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open. David Spade eyecitiesreality I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary. David Spade scaryrealworld It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it. David Spade wantlittlestrying The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there. David Spade communicationrealmean I can see getting married and having a family, because it is the next thing on the agenda. You can only do this for so long. I'm old, and my friends all have kids. And I'm single, still blow drying my hair! David Spade blowhairkids Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early. David Spade sexykidsdirty Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It's the American way. There's really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century. David Spade inventionlittlesway Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise. David Spade hopefullyelementssurprise Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8. David Spade sheltersideslittles I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car. David Spade carchancethinking It's brutal. I see friends when their shows don't work. Everything's riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward. David Spade ridingpressurepeople There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all. David Spade entertainmentshowsfun It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops. David Spade showsfunpeople I never dated much in high school or college. David Spade high-schoolcollegeschool
