I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes.

Alexei Sayle

Categorized in : Winter Summer Nice

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

dad mean years

If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'

different president america

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's... by Alexei Sayle

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

feds mind sometimes

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

motorcycle-gangs riding people

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and... by Alexei Sayle

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

sitcom easy writing

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

president stupid funny

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

space may men

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

hate views dark

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

cobblers charity cities

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states. by Alexei Sayle

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states.

nations states israel

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.

gags performing sleep

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

band brother stupid

But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down the road to fanaticism and mass murder.

nuance party belief

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

cities house years

Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often. by Alexei Sayle

Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.

bones dog opportunity

I feel sorry for many politicians we expect them to be completely consistent and moralised when we're not.

consistent politician sorry

I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.

spring ideas thinking

However, my problems with my memory are further complicated by the fact that while I don't have any recollection of things I have actually done, I have very vivid recollections of loads of things that I haven't done.

vivid memories facts

Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a... by Alexei Sayle

Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way.

being-a-woman my-friends way

I always thought communism was crap, really. by Alexei Sayle

I always thought communism was crap, really.

crap communism