I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat. Aziz Ansari More Quotes by Aziz Ansari More Quotes From Aziz Ansari I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun. Aziz Ansari dishwashers tables fun Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them. Aziz Ansari grew-up white teacher When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing. Aziz Ansari burgers secret trying I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love. Aziz Ansari optimist I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. Aziz Ansari obsessed comedy kind It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing. Aziz Ansari hours laughing people It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good. Aziz Ansari land trying thinking I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms. Aziz Ansari condom caps couple Come on, man, I got a full beard! Aziz Ansari beard men I prefer being totally sober myself. Aziz Ansari sober Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW? Aziz Ansari scared right-now kids I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.' Aziz Ansari hate people thinking I think absurdist humor is funny. Aziz Ansari thinking Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. Aziz Ansari brands hours comedian I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship. Aziz Ansari new-york goes-on years Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through. Aziz Ansari issues stuff firsts I've never done online dating. Aziz Ansari online dating done In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago. Aziz Ansari crazy night thinking I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs. Aziz Ansari bars people thinking I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba! Aziz Ansari mp3 guy player
