I have no interest in behaving or thinking cynically. But it's an easy trap to be cynical about anything, certainly when you're talking about politics or the media. Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays. Stephen Colbert gunparentkids I believed in global warming after Al Gore's movie made money; the market had spoken. Stephen Colbert global-warmingalsmade Everything in nature has found a niche, a perfect harmony of balance. Man need to find his niche, his perfect balance, where he fits in the natural cycle Stephen Colbert balanceperfectmen Status is always ripe for satire, status is always good for comedy. Stephen Colbert ripesatirecomedy I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host. Stephen Colbert hostminutesproducers I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes. Stephen Colbert newsuselaughing I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions. Stephen Colbert actorshateblow I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does. Stephen Colbert junkienewsdoe I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that. Stephen Colbert collegemenbook I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience. Stephen Colbert love-is I deliver my Truth hot and hard. Stephen Colbert my-truthhardhot Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda. Stephen Colbert usablueweather So what? A lobbyist cheated Indian tribes out of $25 million then laundered their money through phony Christian charities trying to stop other Indian tribes from getting casinos [on screen: 'Thou Shalt Not Compete'] and bribe congressmen in the process. Know what I call that? I call that business as usual in Washington. [on screen: 'Screwing Indians'] Stephen Colbert charitychristiantrying Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy. Stephen Colbert loangivingmen Bill Moyers is everything I never aspire to be: Calm, Thoughtful, and Informative. Stephen Colbert thoughtfulcalmbills No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you. Stephen Colbert proudwould-bewant Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together. Stephen Colbert getting-back-togethermarijuanadrug And that brings us to tonight's word: Truthiness. Now I'm sure some of the word-police, the 'wordanistas' over at Websters, are gonna say, 'Hey, that's not a word!' Well, anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. Stephen Colbert policefansbook There's a buzz to failing and not dying. Stephen Colbert buzzfailuredying If you repeat it, it's true. If you repeat it, it's true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you? Stephen Colbert enoughfactsneeds
