I have the sense that if I push too hard or too far into memory I’ll come apart. Harold Brodkey More Quotes by Harold Brodkey More Quotes From Harold Brodkey I was always crazy about New York, dependent on it, scared of it - well, it is dangerous - but beyond that there was the pressure of being young and of not yet having done work you really liked, trademark work, breakthrough work Harold Brodkey crazy done new-york It is death that goes down to the center of the earth, the great burial church the earth is, and then to the curved ends of the universe, as light is said to do Harold Brodkey church light earth I often thought men stank of rage; it is why I preferred women, and homosexuals. Harold Brodkey homosexual rage men God is an immensity, while this disease, this death, which is in me, this small, tightly defined pedestrian event, is merely and perfectly real, without miracle—or instruction. Harold Brodkey events miracle real My protagonists are my mother's voice and the mind I had when I was thirteen. Harold Brodkey voice mother mind Death and I are head to head in a total collision, pure and mutual distaste. Harold Brodkey collision mutual pure Being ill like this combines shock - this time I will die - with a pain and agony that are unfamiliar, that wrench me out of myself. Harold Brodkey agony shock pain I am in an adolescence in reverse, as mysterious as the first, except that this time I feel it as a decay of the odds that I might live for a while, that I can sleep it off. Harold Brodkey decay odds sleep I awake with a not entirely sickened knowledge that I am merely young again and in a funny way at peace, an observer who is aware of time's chariot, aware that some metamorphosis has occurred. Harold Brodkey metamorphosis young way I can't change the past, and I don't think I would. I don't expect to be understood. I like what I've written, the stories and two novels. If I had to give up what I've written in order to be clear of this disease, I wouldn't do it. Harold Brodkey giving-up past thinking I am startled when people are themselves and are not my thoughts of them. Harold Brodkey my-thoughts people You really can’t write unless you read. You have to know what the game is all about. Harold Brodkey games knows writing Nothing I have ever written has been admired as much as the announcement of my death. Harold Brodkey announcements has-beens written It is like visiting one's funeral, like visiting loss in its purest and most monumental form, this wild darkness, which is not only unknown but which one cannot enter as oneself. Harold Brodkey funeral darkness loss I have AIDS. I am surprised that I do. I have not been exposed since1977, which is to say that my experience, myadventures in homosexuality took place largely in the1960s and '70s, and back then I relied on time and abstinence to indicate my degree of freedom from infectionand to protect others and myself. Harold Brodkey homosexuality degrees abstinence I'm sixty-two, and it's ecological sense to die while you're still productive, die and clear a space for others, old and young. Harold Brodkey space young two This identity, this mind, this particular cast of speech, is nearly over. Harold Brodkey over speech identity mind So an autobiography about death should include, in my case, an account of European Jewry and of Russian and Jewish events - pogroms and flights and murders and the revolution that drove my mother to come here. Harold Brodkey revolution events mother death
