I like playing a bit of golf. But, if people went around beating people to Stephen Merchant More Quotes by Stephen Merchant More Quotes From Stephen Merchant My twitter fans are all pretty weird. A lot of them are kind of weirdly sexually aggressive. Some of them made me laugh and then I instantly tried to forget them, because I'd hate to find myself in a bar kind of drunk and accidentally use one. Stephen Merchant drunkhatelaughing Even here in California with more contemporary buildings. I have a real problem with the low doorframes. It's a curse! That's just another of the many problems I have to live with. Stephen Merchant californiaproblemreal You can only be embarrassed if you allow yourself to be embarrassed. If you embrace it and just accept that you're kind of a klutz, and you're able to make it into comedy gold. Stephen Merchant comedyablegold I was trying for years to woo people through humour, but it seems flash cars are much easier. Stephen Merchant carpeopleyears When I get hired as an actor as opposed to a writer, one of things that's exciting for me is doing stuff I wouldn't normally do myself. So whether it's a kid's movie or a voice in animation or in this case - where I just get to be silly, it's a different kind of comedy for me. As a performer, it's a different pleasure than when you're writing or directing. As a performer, you're just in the hands of the director and you go with whatever they want to do. Stephen Merchant sillywritingkids The reason I keep talking about a wife and saying the word wife on stage is because it seems a funny word to me. The more you say it, the more it seems to detach from that person and become this sort of abstract thing: that you would set out to find a wife, that it would be an objective like buying a new car. Stephen Merchant carwifetalking A lot of my comic influences are distinctly American: Woody Allen and Bob Hope, for example. They were always the underdogs who were using wit to sort of battle their way through. And it seems to me that a lot of contemporary U.S. comedies are shot through with losers. None of the characters in 'The Big Bang Theory,' for instance, are studs. Stephen Merchant mebattlehopeway Maybe there's a sort of veneer of optimism about U.S. comedy, whereas perhaps in England, we don't mind ending it on a sourer note. Stephen Merchant endingoptimismcomedymind I don't have any hidden depths; I'm a very superficial person. It's a constant frustration to me. Stephen Merchant hiddenpersonmefrustration It's not like I think: 'By the age of 40 I've got to be an international household name.' When the opportunity to perform comes up, then I'll take it. It's really good fun. But because I don't crave the attention or the buzz, it's not like I'm desperate for it. Stephen Merchant namegoodageopportunity When I was a teenager, I met a comedian who I admired, and he was very rude to me. That's why when people come up to me I try not to be rude. I don't want to name who he is, but it really put me off watching his stuff since. Stephen Merchant namemerudepeople I have experienced bad dating and ineptitude with women all across the globe, from Vietnam to Paris. When I was 21, women were an enigma; they were this code that had to be cracked. They were 'The Other.' I have often thought writing this stuff into stand-up and shows would be an exorcism, but it hasn't been; it makes no difference. Stephen Merchant thoughtbaddatingwomen My teeth are all right, but they are not American teeth, and my hair is not thick and luscious. Los Angeles is dense with beautiful people, and most of the men who are aspiring actors are 5ft 5in, so I tower above them. Stephen Merchant hairbeautifulmenpeople I suffered when I was in my late twenties and early thirties. I was awkward, I stuck out, I was nerdy. Stephen Merchant outearlyawkwardlate I know that this sounds grand, but I don't try to compete with other people. I like to think there's enough pie for everyone. The kind of people I'm competing with are my heroes - Woody Allen, Billy Wilder - who I know I'm going to fall short of. Stephen Merchant shortthinkpeoplefall I've always been a fan of physical comedy. It kind of hits you in a different way; it bypasses the intellect and hits you in the gut. Stephen Merchant youalwayscomedyway I'm too tall. I am 6ft 7in, so I've been most people's height at some point in my life, and 6ft 4in is the best. You're tall, but you don't have to bend when you go through a door. Stephen Merchant i-ambestyoulife It never really occurs to me that I'm doing cringe comedy. It's something that people tell me afterwards, and I say, 'Again? Really? I never set out with that intention.' Stephen Merchant nevermecomedypeople There's this way pop culture has been rammed down our throats that people think that if they were just in the right place at the right time, they'd be married to Heidi Klum. Stephen Merchant thinktimeculturepeople People think all fame is the same, but being on BBC Two from time to time does not make you Warren Beatty. I honestly can't impress that upon people enough. Stephen Merchant thinkyoutimepeople
