I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking. Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one. Dana Gould sorry men thinking I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones. Dana Gould cones waffles pay Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go? Dana Gould transvestites halloween dresses Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost? Dana Gould horse tired games Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs. Dana Gould cold eggs glasses Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog. Dana Gould poop leaving dog Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort. Dana Gould stores self comfort I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures. Dana Gould laurels decided tired I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes. Dana Gould enough mistake If you don't believe in the living dead, how do your explain the Golf Channel? Dana Gould dont-believe golf believe I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor. Dana Gould workaholic liquor drink I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed. Dana Gould emotional feelings thinking When homeless people go camping, how do they know? Dana Gould camping homeless people I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault. Dana Gould balls dad want In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike. Dana Gould pain suffering war I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone. Dana Gould used knows thinking The average permanent lasts about four months. Dana Gould four lasts average I take the Bible literally, but not seriously. Dana Gould Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed. Dana Gould good-place feels people Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it. Dana Gould painting fire house
