Patton Oswalt: I'm not familiar with the metric system.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

Patton Oswalt

records journey ideas

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

Patton Oswalt

fear positive inspirational

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

Patton Oswalt

heartache pain bye

What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who's good-looking; if they open their mouths and they're an idiot, then they cease to be beautiful very quickly.

Patton Oswalt

mouths beautiful thinking

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

Patton Oswalt

daffy-duck bunnies ducks

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

Patton Oswalt

coins sticks gold

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Patton Oswalt

different sight memories

Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. Some people are just born with bad wiring.

Patton Oswalt

growing-up kids people

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

Patton Oswalt

schedules acting firsts

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Patton Oswalt

ruthless being-honest honest

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

Patton Oswalt

long-ago humanity evil

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Patton Oswalt

cowboy puppets magic

You can be an amateur and have a passion for something, but it takes a long time to actually become a professional, meaning that you can handle any situation.

Patton Oswalt

situation passion long

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.

Patton Oswalt

gay hippie needs

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.

Patton Oswalt

comedy human-nature knowing

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

Patton Oswalt

car house years

Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you're not being a slave to your possessions.

Patton Oswalt

slave hands way

I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.

Patton Oswalt

atheist religious struggle

There is a part of my generation that is not on social media because they have happy lives and they're not trying to connect with anybody. And there are other people who are on social media because they need to connect.

Patton Oswalt

media happy-life people

The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings.

Patton Oswalt

albums mistake people