I'm not going to flirt with girls at the mosque. Kumail Nanjiani More Quotes by Kumail Nanjiani More Quotes From Kumail Nanjiani We only hear success stories. You don't hear about the hundreds and hundreds - the overwhelming majority that don't go anywhere. This is a more realistic portrayal of what happens in startups. Kumail Nanjiani realisticmajoritystories I think being funny had something to do with feeling like an outsider, not feeling cool - insecurity. Kumail Nanjiani insecurityfeelingsthinking You really need to have that discipline. It's not even discipline. I just put down these rules. It's not like a vague, 'Motivate yourself!' and do something. Its specific hours set aside every day for certain things. Kumail Nanjiani hoursdisciplineneeds I thought of America as this crazy, happy, exciting place where everybody's rich and there's stuff everywhere. Compared to Pakistan, it's not untrue. Kumail Nanjiani pakistancrazyamerica The plan was always to come to America, because Pakistan's a scary place. They don't have religious freedom. It's very poor, and there's a lot of violence and corruption. Kumail Nanjiani scaryreligiousamerica I was extremely shy and had a terrible fear of public speaking. But I had fallen in love with stand-up. Kumail Nanjiani public-speakingfallenshy On stage I just have to be myself. In acting you have to be so many other people. Kumail Nanjiani stageactingpeople I am a very nerdy guy. I understand that it's easier to cast me as a nerdy guy than an action star - although I would love to be an action star! Kumail Nanjiani guystarsaction My stories take three or four months to fix, and it's not magical of a process. Ultimately it's a boring, difficult process. I write everything out, and then the parts I think are funny I put in bold. Then I go perform it. Then the parts that aren't funny, I unbold them. Kumail Nanjiani threewritingthinking The whole religion of Islam is based on reward and punishment and reward and punishment, and it becomes a part of how you think of everything. Even yourself. Kumail Nanjiani religion-of-islampunishmentthinking Philosophy is problem-solving. There's a philosophical problem, and then you try to solve it by approaching it from different angles and seeing what way works. That's what comedy is: you have a topic and you try to just hit it as many different ways as you can. Kumail Nanjiani philosophicaltryingphilosophy Im from a family of doctors, and I think they really wanted me to be a doctor. I even sort of assumed I would be a doctor. Kumail Nanjiani doctorswould-bethinking I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online. Kumail Nanjiani thanksgivingwallfriday Just because you saw a vampire doesn't mean that a snowman or a Loch Ness Monster also exists. Kumail Nanjiani vampiremonstersmean It wasn't until I moved to New York that I decided to make a conscious effort to be myself. Kumail Nanjiani effortconsciousnew-york It's not like I listened to music and then stopped. I still don't have a real appreciation for music because I didn't really start listening to it until my 20s. Kumail Nanjiani reallisteningappreciation I love constructive criticism. I love getting notes when I'm acting. I love them telling me what to do. I don't always agree with it, but I really need it. Kumail Nanjiani actingcriticismneeds I was on this path to becoming a computer-science guy, but I didn't like it. I got no joy from it. It was very, very scary. It was suffocating to think that I was just going to do this thing for the rest of my life. Kumail Nanjiani guyjoythinking I moved to New York first and was really apprehensive about moving to L.A., but I really, really like it. Kumail Nanjiani new-yorkmovingfirsts I would say I try to make my comedy really personal. I try to tell stories that happened to me, experiences from my life. Kumail Nanjiani comedystoriestrying
