I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. Zach Braff More Quotes by Zach Braff More Quotes From Zach Braff I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do Zach Braff drama ideas school Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers. Zach Braff fake ink kids The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure. Zach Braff charity president wish Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me. Zach Braff house children people I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something Zach Braff black culture thinking I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man? Zach Braff rocks men mean I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After about half an hour, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and leave a few DVDs or pictures there. Then when I come out, I say good-bye and leave. Then I call the cops. Zach Braff stars school thinking I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this. Zach Braff yeah bigger jesus Hitler was about population control. Zach Braff population-control population What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke. Zach Braff coke whiskey years If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew. Zach Braff garden light dark I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know? Zach Braff fudge trials liars I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim? Zach Braff problem swim mean When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me. Zach Braff gay guy firsts Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined. Zach Braff dynamics development appearance A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it. Zach Braff hey guy kids A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there. Zach Braff opportunity people thinking Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle. Zach Braff time-travel rifles dream I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it. Zach Braff regret mom stupid Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one. Zach Braff children-love whole children
