I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. Zach Braff More Quotes by Zach Braff More Quotes From Zach Braff I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me. Zach Braff lazy dog When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys. Zach Braff holiday nice heart Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD. Zach Braff cds bigger winning Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes? Zach Braff apes planets lessons The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit. Zach Braff coke good-enough problem I never looked at bread the same way again Zach Braff bread way I find it hard to believe that so many people doubt the existence of God. I mean, seriously, I'm here, so is it such a stretch to imagine that another all-powerful being could exist somewhere in the universe? Zach Braff powerful mean believe I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on. Zach Braff tough dna kids I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult. Zach Braff games winning kids Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like. Zach Braff hollywood vision People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was. Zach Braff leader asking people When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people. Zach Braff winning want people There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong? Zach Braff gray-area doubt law I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging. Zach Braff garden two thinking I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack. Zach Braff cutting daughter children So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years. Zach Braff running men country I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know? Zach Braff bishops mirrors home Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible. Zach Braff wine stupid writing Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts? Zach Braff saws shorts lasts Of course killing people is 'wrong', but I think history shows that sometimes it serves the greater good. Zach Braff sometimes people thinking
