I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James! Ellen DeGeneres More Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres More Quotes From Ellen DeGeneres I was raised that you don't use something nice until there's someplace to go. Ellen DeGeneres raised nice use I'm a fan of people getting together. Ellen DeGeneres fans together people You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools. Ellen DeGeneres falling-in-love song thinking I've learned 2 things about tv. It's always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES Ellen DeGeneres philippines singers tvs Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex. Ellen DeGeneres salami complexes inferiority I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of wonder who they were and what they were. There's a guy - I don't know who he is, but he's wearing a suit. He's got his arms folded, and he looks like he sold insurance or something. I'm just wondering why someone painted him. Ellen DeGeneres guy people interesting Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. Ellen DeGeneres wipe dust thinking Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m. Ellen DeGeneres males would-be waiting So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres serial-killer killers hug I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it. Ellen DeGeneres crush men believe Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow. Ellen DeGeneres fake-people reality years The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique. Ellen DeGeneres unique successful people The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime's Funniest Person in America. And that's a really tough title to travel around with when you're not even known. Ellen DeGeneres america people travel I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual. We can just be nicer to one another. It's something we have in our power to do. It reminds me of that Margaret Mead quote: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. Ellen DeGeneres thoughtful groups doubt When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me. Ellen DeGeneres growing-up parent fame I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called. Ellen DeGeneres partnership care rights We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna. And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed. Ellen DeGeneres horse dog home But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar. Ellen DeGeneres winning reality thinking I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I've written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun. Ellen DeGeneres passion fun book Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks. Ellen DeGeneres lines decision people
