I'm tired of explaining to Hollywood that people would laugh at me, because I go around America making them laugh every week. Nobody would be offended, nobody would think my leather pants are too controversial. Jen Kirkman More Quotes by Jen Kirkman More Quotes From Jen Kirkman By the time I started doing stand-up, the club scene had died. Jen Kirkman clubdoingscenetime I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation. Jen Kirkman homelovenightlife I'm not a big fan of young people. Jen Kirkman big-fanbigyoungpeople Sitcoms are what got me excited about show business. Jen Kirkman showmeexcitedbusiness The urge that most people feel to have kids is the exact same as the urge that I have to not have kids. I do not want to raise a child. Jen Kirkman feelchildwantpeople A lot of relationships have ended for me in my 20s, because I knew that eventually those people would wanna settle down and have kids. Jen Kirkman relationshipsdownmepeople Childfree women are actually great assets to the planet. Our carbon footprint is smaller than a mom's! And we have enough money to write checks to organizations that help kids get vaccinations, vitamins, and educations yet have plenty of free time to advise your daughter that one day she will regret piercing her lip. Jen Kirkman daywomendaughtertime I rarely have out-of-town visitors because you have to do things like take them around L.A. Jen Kirkman becausethingslikeyou I'd love to be a hit in Germany. I'm working on trying to get a gig as David Hasselhoff's opening act. Jen Kirkman actopeningtryinglove Don't overpack your carry-on. You're never going to read that second book or that fourth magazine. Jen Kirkman yourneveryoubook Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don't risk losing your license. Jen Kirkman youryoulosingway There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot - except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan. Jen Kirkman flygoodheartlife I have memories of my grandfather Kirkman making mashed potatoes that were so good because they tasted like a bowl of butter. I love my mom's brownies. My favorite thing about both of those recipes is that someone else made them for me. Jen Kirkman goodmelovememories
