I still do a weekly opinion column for the Miami Herald, and it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Rotten fish. Carl Hiaasen More Quotes by Carl Hiaasen More Quotes From Carl Hiaasen Like Richard Price and the late, great Elmore Leonard, Matt Burgess is one of those cool, quick and funny writers who can turn a seemingly routine crime caper into something special. Carl Hiaasen routine crime special The greatest sin for a writer is to be boring. Carl Hiaasen boring sin The Florida in my novels is not as seedy as the real Florida. It's hard to stay ahead of the curve. Every time I write a scene that I think is the sickest thing I have ever dreamed up, it is surpassed by something that happens in real life. Carl Hiaasen real writing thinking Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence. Carl Hiaasen sunset water people That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you. Carl Hiaasen worry joy fun Good satire comes from anger. It comes from a sense of injustice, that there are wrongs in the world that need to be fixed. And what better place to get that well of venom and outrage boiling than a newsroom, because you're on the front lines. Carl Hiaasen anger world needs My escape is to just get in a boat and disappear on the water. Carl Hiaasen boat disappear water Unfortunately for novelists, real life is getting way too funny and far-fetched. Carl Hiaasen novelists real way No deliberative body is manifestly less qualified to make decisions about public education than our state Legislature. With a few shining exceptions, most of these clowns don't read, can't write, and clearly can't add. Carl Hiaasen shining decision writing It's actually not very hard to re-set between the adult novels and the ones for younger readers. The narrative voices are very similar, the smartass attitude, the environmental battles. Kids love books that are irreverent and challenge authority, when authority is arbitrary, greedy or foolish. They also love it when you make fun of grownups, and I've spent my whole life as a writer doing that. Carl Hiaasen attitude fun book You can do the best research and be making the strongest intellectual argument, but if readers don't get past the third paragraph you've wasted your energy and valuable ink. Carl Hiaasen energy intellectual past As a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took. Carl Hiaasen party team government Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm. Carl Hiaasen sitting stupid tree Mrs. Bonneville never buckled her seat belt, even though it was required by state law; an ardent libertarian, she opposed government meddling in all matters of personal choice. Carl Hiaasen government choices law ...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me." "You don't know that." "Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go. Carl Hiaasen pairs toys way Sometimes you're going to be faced with situations where the line isn't clear between what's right and what's wrong.Your heart will tell you to do one thing and your brain will tell you to do something different. In the end, all that's left is to look at both sides and go with your best judgment. Carl Hiaasen different brain heart If you write satire, the guilty pleasure these days is that there's just so much material about. On the other hand, if you have a family it can be depressing. Carl Hiaasen depressing writing hands When you're given a newspaper column, you're not being paid to sit on a fence and scratch your chin and say 'On the one hand this' and 'On the other hand that.' You're getting paid for your opinion. Carl Hiaasen scratches opinion hands I don't have an e-reader. One reason is that I like to dog-ear the page when I find a particularly good sentence or passage. Carl Hiaasen pages dog ears I think in the old days, the nexus of weirdness ran through Southern California, and to a degree New York City. I think it's changed so that every bizarre story in the country now has a Florida connection. I don't know why, except it must be some inversion of magnetic poles or something. Carl Hiaasen new-york country thinking
