I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology. Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart New York City isn't Chuck E. Cheese. We don't have ball pits for the kids to play in. We have titty bars and crack. Jon Stewart chuck-e-cheesenew-yorkkids I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus. Jon Stewart annastoriesjesus It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan. Jon Stewart audiencesatan Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once. Jon Stewart global-warmingrealizinghappens Clearly, I'm way older than everyone. Jon Stewart way The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That's all it is. All those media companies say, "We're going to make a killing here." You won't because it's still only as good as the content. Jon Stewart internetmediaworld Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in. Jon Stewart democratrealizingshould-have You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! Jon Stewart guiltyarabiafemale If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it. Jon Stewart groupsdifferenthouse There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations. Jon Stewart tiredsufferingneeds The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now. Jon Stewart russiablowwar It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs. Jon Stewart jailfightingdog Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president! Jon Stewart popularitypresidentamerica Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness. Jon Stewart gaynessdivorceends Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger. Jon Stewart burgerscrimehands Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them. Jon Stewart leakswhitehouse Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle. Jon Stewart fraudterrorleader The Department of Homeland Security recommends a three-day supply of water consisting of one bottle per day for each person in your home. Plus one extra bottle to give you all something to kill each other over on day four. Jon Stewart homegivingwater We are going to be raising a generation of mentally impaired people. Jon Stewart generationspeople 9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one. Jon Stewart potato-chipspotatoescongress
