I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good. Nick Offerman More Quotes by Nick Offerman More Quotes From Nick Offerman I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation. Nick Offerman appetite moderation pounds I was drinking a lot of bourbon. I was miserable. I was starting to get work, but it wasn't remotely satisfying. It was garbage compared to the theater I was doing. Nick Offerman garbage miserable drinking I think all these great comforts that come from the human condition of trying to make things easier on ourselves also have these pitfalls, where things become so easy that we forget how enjoyable building a fence can be. Nick Offerman pitfalls trying thinking Not only do I recommend Wendell Berry to anyone who will talk to me for more than seven seconds, but I buy his books in quantity and send them to people. I bought a few dozen of his newest, "Our Only World." Nick Offerman berries book people I'm opposed to a lot of the time that we as a civilization have come to spend looking at screens. For my money, life is much delicious damn near everyplace but inside that screen. Nick Offerman life-changing life-is civilization I've had to learn and discipline myself that I'm much happier and much less depressed if I give myself a project. It's just that simple. Nick Offerman discipline simple giving The fact that I have a job that people even watch is an incredible gift. Nick Offerman jobs watches people If I had to pick one form of acting, it would be live theater. That's where I started; that's where I became a man, I think I'm still finishing up that job. Nick Offerman jobs men thinking If I put down my tweeter machine for a minute, I actually can communicate with people. As an aside, astonishingly, I just started doing Twitter. Nick Offerman machines minutes people I don't put a great deal of stock in art trophies. Nick Offerman trophies deals art When I got to Los Angeles, I started building cabins in peoples’ yards, building post-and-beam structures and cutting the joinery for those. Nick Offerman cabins yards cutting Turn off your computer and go out of doors. Dig a large enough hole to transplant a mature apple tree. Nurture the tree, feed it, coddle it so that its fruit will be ample, bright and firm. Practice open-hand strikes against the rough bark of the trunk until it's time to harvest. Choose the champion of your apple crop, pluck it from the tree, and beat yourself about the face and tits with it until your mettle will suffice. Nick Offerman practice doors hands I'm a very intermediate sax player, but now that Rob Lowe is on my show, I had to cop to him. Like, 'Dude your ridiculous fake sax playing [in St. Elmo's Fire] inspired me to pick up a horn.' Nick Offerman fake player fire There's a lot of common sense ... which I feel like we have lost touch with. Nick Offerman common-sense common lost A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful. Nick Offerman entertainment beautiful people I think what makes so many other actors miserable is focusing completely on making other plans. They're obsessed with their haircut and their headshot and their agent, their IMDB profile or whatever. Nick Offerman agents actors thinking I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown. Nick Offerman clown performing people "I don't ever want to try to be a 'cute guy.' I want to be Charles Laughton, or Oliver Reed, or Lon Cheney. That's way more fun for me." And once I flipped that switch, that's another thing I've taken off my shoulders, where I never have to worry about, "Do I look good?" Nick Offerman taken fun cute My education began in theater school, and it continues to this day. I just continued learning to be a better performer. Nick Offerman performers theater school When I first met with agents, they said, "Okay, you're going to play plumbers and mechanics and bus drivers and farmers. Go." Nick Offerman agents play firsts