I vow... "to not let the back & forth of forgiveness interrupt th... by Deb Caletti

I vow... "to not let the back & forth of forgiveness interrupt the steadiness of love.

Deb Caletti

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Categorized in : Vow Steadiness

It took me years to figure out that upset was upset, and tumultuousness was not the same thing as passion. Love isn't drama.

passion drama years

We should not give away a moment to anyone who does not deserve i... by Deb Caletti

We should not give away a moment to anyone who does not deserve it.

moments doe giving

We are thickly layered, page lying upon page, behind simple covers. And love - it is not the book itself, but the binding.

love book lying

I donâ€™t know why we insist on pain when pain is so often easy to eliminate. Itâ€™s funny the ways we try to punish ourselves when we feel weâ€™ve committed some crime.

pain trying way

In the two months I had also dated Justin Fellowes, this guy in my Spanish class, though after three weeks we decided we should "see other people," which in my case was a joke, but it beat hearing him remark on everything I ate. 'I don't know why girls are always on a diet,' he'd say when I ordered a Diet Coke, and 'You should watch your starch intake' when I had a muffin.

Truth was funny, because it was an insistent thing, maybe as powerful and insistent as some force of nature, the push of water or wind. You could keep it out only so long, but it had its own will and its own needs, and maybe you could keep it at bay with lies, but not for long, not for always.

powerful wind lying

...we are all a volume on the shelf of the... library, a story unto ourselves, never possibly described with one word or even very accurately with thousands.

library volume stories

Have you worked here long?" Sebastian asks. Just a few months," I say. "Do you come here a lot?" As if you don't know, Jade. I used to come every day, or, you know, when I could, I'd bring Bo after work. Or just myself." At night sometimes. You'd climb the fence. You'd watch the stars. You'd tilt back your head and look at the sky. You'd think it over, whatever it was.

stars night thinking

I didn't walk over and talk to him, though, not then. If I needed the time for a tree branch to become just a tree branch again and the wind to become just the wind, then a boy, most of all, needed some time to be only a boy.

Maybe love, too, is beautiful because it has a wildness that cannot be tamed. I don't know. All I know is that passion can take you up like a house of cards in a tornado, leaving destruction in its wake. Or it can let you alone because you've built a stone wall against it, set out the armed guards to keep it from touching you. The real trick is not to let it in, but to hold on. To understand that the heart is as wide and vast as the universe, but that we come to know it best from here, this place is gravity and stability, where out feet can still touch ground.

wall real beautiful

Here is something that Peach, one of the Casserole Queens, says about men and women and love. You know that scene in Romeo and Juliet, where Romeo is standing on the ground looking longingly at Juliet on the balcony above him? One of the most romantic moments in all of literary history? Peach says there's no way that Romeo was standing down there to profess his undying devotion. The truth, Peach says, is that Romeo was just trying to look up Juliet's skirt.

queens love-you men

It was more work than it seemed, looking through a telescope, as the Earth was continually moving and you had to move along with it. You don't realize how fast this acutally happens, and it's kind of both creepy and wonderful when you stop to think about it. And it makes you realize there's absolutely no way to avoid change. You can sit there and cross your arms and refuse it, but underneath you, things are still spinning away.

life moving thinking

Are you getting your period?" She narrows her eyes. No! God. I hate that. I hate when every negative act is blamed on your period." Sometimes bitchiness is just bitchiness, happily unattached to anything hormonal. It should get full credit.

hate eye negative

Darkness does this. It finds all the places you are hiding in. It finds all the things you are holding onto tightly and makes you let go.

darkness doe letting-go

If time heals all wounds, and a book can hold a person's entire life, then you can speed up the process with a pulp time warp.

time-heals get-well book

A lady I will be, but a man's accessory, his handbag, no thank you. I will not be someone's ornament. I will not just be someone's honey, baby, sweetheart.

And pity--people who inspire it in you are actually very powerful people. To get someone else to take care of you, to feel sorry for you--that takes a lot of strength, smarts, manipulation. Very powerful people.

smart powerful sorry

Maybe a person's world can grow bigger in all the right ways, not too wide that it becomes shallow, just large enough to preserve its depth.

depth way world

summer, after all, is a time when wonderful things can happen to quiet people. for those few months, youâ€™re not required to be who everyone thinks you are, and that cut-grass smell in the air and the chance to dive into the deep end of a pool give you a courage you donâ€™t have the rest of the year. you can be grateful and easy, with no eyes on you, and no past. summer just opens the door and lets you out.

quiet-people grateful summer

It occurred to me then that a lot of life was either about wanting and not having, or having and not wanting.