I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. Gilbert Gottfried More Quotes by Gilbert Gottfried More Quotes From Gilbert Gottfried I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old. Gilbert Gottfried political strong years You never know what people will choose to be offended by. Gilbert Gottfried offended knows people Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing. Gilbert Gottfried nice blue kids The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor. Gilbert Gottfried phoenix numbers men I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl. Gilbert Gottfried team winning two I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?' Gilbert Gottfried too-late watches ideas I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep. Gilbert Gottfried wake-up sleep way Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone. Gilbert Gottfried gone reality world I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands. Gilbert Gottfried hands people thinking Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como. Gilbert Gottfried cameras sound I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean? Gilbert Gottfried guy mean people I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things. Gilbert Gottfried funny-marriage done children I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed. Gilbert Gottfried squares night mean I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane. Gilbert Gottfried vacation planes persons Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny. Gilbert Gottfried persons ifs happens I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement. Gilbert Gottfried excitement thinking No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism. Gilbert Gottfried influence nice thinking I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years. Gilbert Gottfried sometimes people years I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more. Gilbert Gottfried miles thinking A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. Gilbert Gottfried political giving people
