I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart Some would argue that the president himself benefited from a form of affirmative action because as a C student, he only got into Yale because his father was a wealthy alumnus. But the White House counters that Saddam is a menace and must be stopped. Jon Stewart yale white father The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!' Jon Stewart lasts suicide death Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken. Jon Stewart broken brain thinking Spain's new Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq - meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn. Jon Stewart spain troops iraq It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways. Jon Stewart nice knows way Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon. Jon Stewart dragons glasses people Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible? Jon Stewart telling-the-truth sound lying I feel like [God]'s hazing us. Jon Stewart hazing feels Technology. It's like science, only useless. Jon Stewart technology useless Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office. Jon Stewart farewell disappointment goodbye Insomnia is my greatest inspiration. Jon Stewart inspiration insomnia [President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader. Jon Stewart cowboy fighting soldier You guys (Boko Haram) are trying so hard to convince everybody that you're such badasses. But all you've done with this kidnapping is highlight who the real badasses are, the kids you kidnapped. Compared to a teenager who knows that her desire for an education could get her dragged into a snake infested jungle to be sold as a bribe to some demented, stick-chewing cartoon villain but still gets up and goes to class everyday, fully aware of that danger - compared to their courage - I'd say Boko Haram is a bunch of little girls. But, you know what? You don't deserve that compliment. Jon Stewart badass teenager girl It's like America has a dog that's always shitting inside the house, and we solved the problem by getting a brown rug. Jon Stewart dog house america You can buy [John McCain's] book, but in a week and a half, he'll have another. Jon Stewart week half book Our show is obviously at a disadvantage with any of the other news shows we're competing against. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility, we are ... well, oddly enough we're about even. Jon Stewart news fake enough The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. Jon Stewart curriculum life-is graduation You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect. Jon Stewart realizing use perfect Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons. Jon Stewart who-cares giving-up war It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs. Jon Stewart balls office nurse
![It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways. by Jon Stewart](https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-medium-quote-d909ea6800f171b08eb40accb81aa8ab.jpg)
![I feel like [God]'s hazing us. by Jon Stewart](https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-medium-quote-a3f8eebd0b819816a5ac0301a51741d5.jpg)
![You can buy [John McCain's] book, but in a week and a half, he'll... by Jon Stewart](https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-medium-quote-72494aa1892827aa7e09465edf8c15ba.jpg)
