I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

Lenny Bruce

Categorized in : Education Humorous Growing Up

I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.

navy japan done

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that... by Lenny Bruce

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.

buzz half smoking

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty li... by Lenny Bruce

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

should lying dirty

I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.

mean kids children

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy... by Lenny Bruce

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.

comedy ends laughing

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God. by Lenny Bruce

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

addiction kissing young

Satire is tragedy plus time. by Lenny Bruce

Satire is tragedy plus time.

satire human-nature tragedy

When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business. by Lenny Bruce

When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.

goyim murder talking

If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that w... by Lenny Bruce

If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.

cities-in-the-world careers new-york

...Catholicism is like Howard Johnson, and what they have are these franchises and they give all these people different franchises in the different countries but they have one government, and when you buy the Howard Johnson franchise you can apply it to the geography - whatever's cool for that area - and then you, you know, pay the bread to the main office.

government country people

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first s... by Lenny Bruce

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

stones hot firsts

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.

barns crooks wall

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

gigs crowds tvs

There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.

homosexual sides art

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

environmental-factors credit children

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a... by Lenny Bruce

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

car cat running

Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.

montana catholic new-york

I want to perform an unnatural act. by Lenny Bruce

I want to perform an unnatural act.

Take away the right to say "f**" and you take away the right to s... by Lenny Bruce

Take away the right to say "f" and you take away the right to say "f the government."